{"id":72934,"date":"2024-07-23T08:37:51","date_gmt":"2024-07-23T00:37:51","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.hkbts.edu.hk\/?p=72934"},"modified":"2025-06-30T12:11:45","modified_gmt":"2025-06-30T04:11:45","slug":"wrestling-with-oneself","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.hkbts.edu.hk\/en","title":{"rendered":"Wrestling with Oneself"},"content":{"rendered":"<div data-elementor-type=\"wp-post\" data-elementor-id=\"72934\" class=\"elementor elementor-72934\" data-elementor-post-type=\"post\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t<section class=\"elementor-section elementor-top-section elementor-element elementor-element-0e47810 elementor-section-boxed elementor-section-height-default elementor-section-height-default wpr-particle-no wpr-jarallax-no wpr-parallax-no wpr-sticky-section-no\" data-id=\"0e47810\" data-element_type=\"section\" data-e-type=\"section\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-container elementor-column-gap-default\">\n\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-column elementor-col-100 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PDF<\/span>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/span>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/a>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/section>\n\t\t\t\t<section class=\"elementor-section elementor-top-section elementor-element elementor-element-ddc6583 elementor-section-boxed elementor-section-height-default elementor-section-height-default wpr-particle-no wpr-jarallax-no wpr-parallax-no wpr-sticky-section-no\" data-id=\"ddc6583\" data-element_type=\"section\" data-e-type=\"section\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-container elementor-column-gap-default\">\n\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-column elementor-col-100 elementor-top-column elementor-element elementor-element-3e662b3\" data-id=\"3e662b3\" data-element_type=\"column\" data-e-type=\"column\">\n\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-wrap elementor-element-populated\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-cc0ee69 elementor-widget elementor-widget-text-editor\" data-id=\"cc0ee69\" data-element_type=\"widget\" data-e-type=\"widget\" data-widget_type=\"text-editor.default\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-container\">\n\t\t\t\t\t<style>.elementor-element-cc0ee69{display:none !important}<\/style>\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-4cf4e13 elementor-widget elementor-widget-text-editor\" data-id=\"4cf4e13\" data-element_type=\"widget\" data-e-type=\"widget\" data-no-translation=\"\" data-widget_type=\"text-editor.default\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-container\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<h4>Chiang Sau-kuan<\/h4><p>(M.Div.)<\/p>\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-9d409d0 elementor-widget elementor-widget-image\" data-id=\"9d409d0\" data-element_type=\"widget\" data-e-type=\"widget\" data-widget_type=\"image.default\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-container\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<img fetchpriority=\"high\" decoding=\"async\" width=\"768\" height=\"384\" src=\"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.hkbts.edu.hk\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/07\/%E9%99%A2%E8%A8%8A%E6%96%87%E7%AB%A0-3-4.png?fit=768%2C384&amp;ssl=1\" class=\"attachment-medium_large size-medium_large wp-image-72924\" alt=\"\" \/>\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-67f5355 elementor-widget elementor-widget-text-editor\" data-id=\"67f5355\" data-element_type=\"widget\" data-e-type=\"widget\" data-widget_type=\"text-editor.default\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-container\">\n\t\t\t\t\t<style>.elementor-element-67f5355{display:none !important}<\/style>\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-f9e5128 elementor-widget elementor-widget-text-editor\" data-id=\"f9e5128\" data-element_type=\"widget\" data-e-type=\"widget\" data-no-translation=\"\" data-widget_type=\"text-editor.default\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-container\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<p align=\"\u201cjustify\u201d\">\u3000\u3000Dragging a luggage trolley along, I stepped onto Nin Ming Road to head for HKBTS\u2019s Opening Convocation. I still remember that moment. I felt lighthearted, and my only thought was: \u201cWherever you lead me, Lord, I\u2019ll go.\u201d I then knew little about the call of God and only knew that I would entrust myself to God. I could not imagine what would happen after that. Today, after four years, God did not ask me to go to a foreign land, nor did I need to leave my country, my relatives, or my father\u2019s house. God led me to return to Macau where I am going to learn to shepherd His church.<\/p><h3 class=\"has-text-color\" style=\"color: #235ba8; font-size: 24px;\"><strong>Practical Knowledge: Learning to Care for the Needs of Others<\/strong><\/h3><p align=\"\u201cjustify\u201d\">\u3000\u3000Every fall term the Seminary arranges for new students to share their testimonies of God\u2019s call. All seminary students have their own experiences of God\u2019s call, which are very unique and precious. New students take turns sharing their life stories during the morning chapel services. Many of them have already firmly committed themselves to ministry at church while other students have already set clear goals for their future ministry. However, I was not the same as them! They are a group of students who respond to God\u2019s call to walk on the path of consecration and take the program for ministerial preparation; as for me, my course of study was the Master of Christian Studies, a basic theological training program which targets for lay believers and staff from Christian organizations. I studied to equip myself\u2014not to be trained to be a pastor. When asked whether I would apply to take the Master of Divinity Program to be trained as a pastor, I had an inexplicable aversion. But why? Gradually I have come to understand: from the very beginning, I lacked confidence and I regarded myself as not worthy of being a pastor. Therefore, every time the issue was brought up, I would become very uncomfortable.<\/p><p align=\"\u201cjustify\u201d\">\u3000\u3000Although I had been with my church ministry for quite some time, I did not read or study the Bible seriously, neither did I share my experience of being born again with anyone. Furthermore, there were in fact many instances of me sinning against God. I could never have imagined that God would use me\u2014such a useless vessel. All I could hope for was to pursue knowledge and to learn more about Christian faith; in addition, I also needed to overcome my fear of reading English books in order to enable myself to undertake further studies in the future. For this reason, I gathered up enough courage to apply to study in the Seminary. However, I dared not even say that I could always wake up early enough in the morning to catch the ferry and the bus to come all the way from Macau to the Seminary on time for each lesson. Nor could I guarantee that as a part-time student I could finish the program within five years.<\/p><p align=\"\u201cjustify\u201d\">\u3000\u3000Nevertheless, God\u2019s thoughts are higher than man\u2019s thoughts. Looking back at the past, I truly thank God for steadily encouraging me through these four years to come to understand His calling and enabling me to learn obedience and step onto the path of consecration.<\/p><p align=\"\u201cjustify\u201d\">\u3000\u3000One day during our class lesson, our teacher mentioned that he preferred to be called a pastor more than a doctor or a professor. I did not expect that these few sentences were so powerful; however, they affected me and reminded me to reexamine my own direction in life. Another time when I chatted with another teacher, she mentioned that when we were willing to respond to God\u2019s call and accept theological training, ultimately the school fee and the daily needs could not stop anyone. From then on, almost every day in my campus life, God took apart the thoughts that had made me stumble in the past and allowed me to restructure my life.<\/p><p align=\"\u201cjustify\u201d\">\u3000\u3000When I was under a lot of stress, struggling to read the English and biblical languages in the textbooks, struggling with theological and ethical questions, feeling dizzy, and buried in my class assignments, I felt as though I was only a fine sand amidst an ocean. However, God led me to understand: if man pursues knowledge and erudition alone, life will never be complete; only the fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom. Afterward, God allowed me to have the experience of living in the students\u2019 quarters. Through this and the class club, I had more opportunities to have fellowship with my fellow students and we learned to serve one another in a reciprocal way. We went through the rough times in life together. During such times, we counted God\u2019s blessings in each other\u2019s lives as we mutually kept watch over each other.<\/p><p align=\"\u201cjustify\u201d\">\u3000\u3000Teachers\u2019 teachings and life examples coupled with my fellow-students\u2019 openness and friendliness helped to gradually change my goal of merely trying to obtain knowledge. Through the support and encouragement of brothers and sisters at my practicum church, God allowed me to experience His abundant grace more deeply. And so I began to think over and over again: what a precious and beautiful thing it is to be a pastor at church! Yielding oneself and willingly caring for the needs of others is such an important lesson to learn! In the past, I was not willing to engage in in-depth conversations with others because I did not want to spare the effort to bear someone else\u2019s struggle or pain.<\/p><p align=\"\u201cjustify\u201d\">\u3000\u3000God\u2019s calling, however, had a life-changing effect on me. Upon the exhortation and intercession of teachers, fellow students, pastors, brothers, and sisters, gradually I became willing to obey the prompting and call from God to shoulder a more beautiful vocation; gradually I learned to be considerate and to care for the needs of others. Owing to God\u2019s step-by-step leading and the day-by-day changes in my life, during the second school year I became a full-time student. After graduating from the Master of Christian Studies Program with the encouragement and support of teachers, pastors, and my church, I went one step further and enrolled in the M.Div. Program.<\/p><h3 class=\"has-text-color\" style=\"color: #235ba8; font-size: 24px;\"><strong>Internal Struggles: Learning to Be Humble and Honest<\/strong><\/h3><p align=\"\u201cjustify\u201d\">\u3000\u3000Our teachers were willing to listen and take an active part in caring for the needs of students. It was through our teachers that the love of God surrounded this disciple community. As students studied and lived on campus, they not only had a heavy load of homework assignments, tests and examinations, sometimes they had to shoulder the heavy burden of family and church as well. Teachers and staff of the seminary always sincerely cared for our needs and offered intercessions for our troubles.<\/p><p align=\"\u201cjustify\u201d\">\u3000\u3000I remember at the time when I was preparing to take the M.Div. Program, I was under great pressure mentally and physically. It was not an easy task to forget the past and look forward to what lied ahead. Because of the fact that I had not fully immersed myself in the church community in the past, I always found myself powerless in coping with homework assignments. In addition, I kept assuming that other students were better than me, deepening my sense of fatigue. This sense of powerlessness was one that I had never experienced before, not even in the days when I furthered my studies in education and professional drama. I used to be very proud and would not want to expose my own weaknesses in front of others. Yet, the more I tried to conceal and disguise these weaknesses the more I felt frustrated.<\/p><p align=\"\u201cjustify\u201d\">\u3000\u3000I thank God that many teachers in the Seminary habitually returned to work in their offices in the evenings. There were two or three evenings when I was both confused and worried, I knocked on their doors and my teachers were willing to listen and pray for me. I was touched that even when the teachers\u2019 desk were covered with books and students\u2019 assignments, they were still willing to take a break and offer exhortations and encouragement. The care and exhortation from President Cho to us graduating students further helped me to open the door of my heart to share my inner struggles and thoughts with trustworthy fellow students and pastors. I was thus willing to establish a sincere relationship in this disciple community by following what Jesus commanded and putting the idea of loving one another into practice. Besides imparting me with information and knowledge, the Seminary\u2019s theological equipping has helped me to know the real me and to learn obedience and submit to God\u2019s sovereignty.<\/p><p align=\"\u201cjustify\u201d\">\u3000\u3000Looking back over this period when I wrestled with myself, I must thank God for changing my life and allowing us fellow students to study together, care for one another as we learned from Christ, and to love one another. In the days ahead, we are willing to abide by the Seminary\u2019s motto: Do your best to present yourself to God as one approved, a worker who does not need to be ashamed and who correctly handles the word of truth. (2 Timothy 2:15)<\/p>\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/section>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Chiang Sau-kuan (M.Div.) Four years ago, I dragged my small suitcase and set off on the road to Macau before the start of the semester. I still remember the lightheartedness of that moment, and I only thought: &quot;Where you lead me, I must go!&quot; At that time, I did not understand God&#039;s calling, and I only knew to put myself in His hands. I never thought that four years later, God would not want me to leave my hometown, my people, or my family, and go to any special place, but would lead me to return to Macau to learn to pastor His church in this small city. Unloading knowledge: learning to care for the needs of others Every fall semester, the college arranges new students to share their testimonies of calling in the morning meeting. Theology students have the experience of being called, and their stories are so precious and unique. The new students shared their life stories one by one in the morning meeting. Many of them have already been engaged in serving in the church, and their hearts are firm. Some even have clear goals for their future service. However, I am different from them! They were a group of people who responded to the call and embarked on the road of dedication. They were studying courses to equip preachers. I was studying a master&#039;s degree course in Christian studies that provided basic theological training. The students were believers and co-workers in Christian organizations. I studied mainly to equip myself, not to become a preacher. So when people asked me if I would enroll in a master&#039;s degree course to equip myself to become a preacher, I felt an inexplicable aversion. Why was I so averse? Gradually I realized that I lacked faith at all and felt that I was not worthy of being a preacher. So once someone mentioned it, I was very resistant. Although I have been involved in church service for some time, I have not studied the Bible much and have never shared my testimony. In addition, I have offended God in many ways in the past. I really can&#039;t imagine that God would choose me, a useless vessel. I just hope to pursue more knowledge and have a better understanding of faith. In addition, I also want to overcome the fear of reading English books so that I can have the opportunity to go to higher education in the future. Because of this, I mustered up the courage to study at the seminary. I didn\u2019t dare to say whether I could get up before dawn every week to catch the boat and bus, and come all the way from Macau to the seminary to attend classes on time; I didn\u2019t dare to determine whether I, a part-time student, could complete the course within five years. However, God\u2019s thoughts are far higher than people\u2019s thoughts. Looking back now, I am really grateful that God has truly changed me through four years, allowing me to understand His calling, and be willing to learn to obey and embark on the road of dedication. One day in class, the teacher mentioned that he liked to be called a pastor more than being called a doctor or professor. I didn\u2019t expect these words to be so powerful, moving me and reminding me to rethink the direction of my life. Another day, when I was chatting with the teacher, she talked about how if we are willing to respond to God\u2019s call and accept theological equipment, tuition fees and living needs will not be a problem in the end... From then on, almost every day in campus life, God was demolishing those thoughts that stumbled me in the past and then reconstructing my life. When I felt stressed because I had to read the original texts in English, when I felt confused because of thinking about theology and ethics, when I was buried in my homework and felt like a grain of sand in the ocean, God showed me that I should pursue<\/p>","protected":false},"author":148,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[295],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-72934","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-295"],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v27.3 - https:\/\/yoast.com\/product\/yoast-seo-wordpress\/ -->\n<title>\u8ddf\u81ea\u5df1\u6454\u8de4 - \u9999\u6e2f\u6d78\u4fe1\u6703\u795e\u5b78\u9662<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.hkbts.edu.hk\/en\/?p=72934\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"\u8ddf\u81ea\u5df1\u6454\u8de4 - \u9999\u6e2f\u6d78\u4fe1\u6703\u795e\u5b78\u9662\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"\u912d\u79c0\u541b \u9053\u5b78\u78a9\u58eb Chiang Sau-kuan (M.Div.) 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