Praising God: From Death to Life

Wai-kin and his wife Yik-ping

For you, Lord, have delivered me from death […]
What shall I return to the Lord for all his goodness to me?

— Ps. 116:8,12 (NIV)

Growing up through Adversity and Hardship

　　Though I walk down a difficult path, the Lord has been walking beside me all along.

　　I have been going to church since 1989 when I was in the fourth grade. Though I did well in primary school, I was allocated to a secondary school of the lowest band (Band 5) due to unknown reasons. My Form 1 classmates would smoke, fight, bully, and generally misbehave in class. I worried about what would become of me due to this environment. I thank the Lord that I did not go astray thanks to the guidance of my church mentors and my many close friends in the church who were good influences. I had a hard time during my rebellious teenage years even though I grew up in a church. Even though I was often late for church services, slept during church meetings and seldom read the Bible or spent quiet time with God, during my secondary school years, the love and grace of the Lord never left me. Gradually I grew up in the church, and came to know the Lord more deeply. I learnt that He loves me so much that He sacrificed Himself on the cross for our sins. Because of His sacrificial love, I decided to accept Jesus when I was in junior high school.

　　I began to study hard when I was in Form 3. When I was in Form 5, preparing for the HKCEE that year, I found that the brothers and sisters in my fellowship did much better than I did at school, so every day after school I would either study in a study room or go to tutorial classes. However, I still did poorly in my HKCEE and A-Level Examinations and had to retake them as a private candidate. As I saw my brothers and sisters in the fellowship enter university one after another, I could not help but feel inferior. There were even times when I no longer wanted to live. I thank God for His care and compassion during those times. As I walked through the dark valley and felt inconsolable, I had wonderful mentors as well as brothers and sisters who were there for me and through whom I was healed by the love of God.

　　Because my examination result was not good enough to get me into the social work program that I wanted I had to settle for courses in civil engineering, which I was not interested in at all. I was grateful that after working in a building management job for the better part of a year after graduation, God led me to a new job providing social services for the elderly in 2005. By throwing myself into my work and further studies, I was promoted from an activity worker to social worker, and eventually to managerial positions like officer and manager. My salary greatly multiplied over 12 years’ time.

Purified by Suffering and Pain

　　I have also gone through a series of unfortunate events over these past 12 years. In 2005, I had a severe retinal hemorrhage when the retinal vein in my right eye burst. It came as a bolt from the blue, but it was just the beginning of my sufferings. Soon after that, my father had severe acute renal failure while at the same time a family member was under criminal prosecution and another was hospitalized for mood disorder. A series of unimaginable happenings occurred in the six weeks preceding my wedding: my fiancée’s father fell into a coma following a serious traffic accident; a cousin of hers died in another traffic accident; my fiancée’s grandfather passed away because of illness; and a family member of my fiancée was also hospitalized. In addition, there were struggles with office politics and slanders from colleagues. I nearly fell into depression due to stress from work.

　　I was completely exhausted. Sometimes I would angrily ask God, “Why me again? Can’t you give me a few quiet years?” What I experienced was a lot of frustration, disappointment, sorrow, confusion, distress, fear, anger, sadness, uncertainty, anxiety, helplessness… But I thank God for supporting me and blessing me with brothers and sisters, mentors, pastors and my wife, who all helped me with their advice, encouragement, consolation, care, company, prayer and support. Without them, I would not have withstood the agony.

　　God not only gave me suffering but also abundant grace: I can still see it with my eyes to this day; my fiancée and I got married as planned; my father-in-law, who was comatose due to the car accident, can now walk, talk and help with the dish washing. What is more amazing is that he even asked us to bring him to the church, when he had always previously disliked Christianity. My mother-in-law was also converted to Christianity. God has disciplined and purified me and corrected my values through all these sufferings. Influenced by worldly values, I used to build my self-worth on external elements like the approval of others, income level, social status, academic qualifications and my job title. Now I understand that the Lord has accepted me unconditionally and that I need not seek my self-worth from things outside of Him. Those incidents have shown me that all things work together as God turns sufferings into blessings. With those experiences, God has helped me gain a better understanding of what I failed to see for many years. I have come to a heartfelt realization of how small we are and how fleeting life is. The Lord alone is our eternal hope. He always keeps His promises.

　　I have been thinking about committing myself to full-time ministry since 2013, yet the plan was postponed due to many circumstances. However, the voice that keeps asking me to serve full-time has been growing louder year by year, so in 2015 I participated in the Full-Time Ministry Seminar organized by Hong Kong Baptist Theological Seminary (HKBTS), though I did not commit at that time.

Enlightened by the Cords of Death

　　The year 2016 was both a turning point and one of the most difficult periods of my life. So many things happened within only half a year: my mom collapsed at home and was rushed to hospital; I was hospitalized twice for vasculitis; dad fainted during his follow-up medical appointment and was hospitalized again. The second time I was admitted to hospital, the doctor told me, “What you have is no ordinary disease… I had a patient who passed away last week, who died of this very disease. Be prepared for ‘heavy medication.’ We will decide on the next step of the treatment depending on your condition.” Only then did I realize what helplessness is like. In the past, I managed to accomplish my dream despite my less-than-satisfactory public examination results by working tirelessly. But could I, for all my efforts, add a single hour to my life if I fall ill? I began to contemplate the meaning of life. What is the Lord’s calling for my life? I went to the Full-Time Ministry Exploration Camp organized by HKBTS in 2016 with this question in mind. The “Discernment, Life, and Calling” workshop led by Rev. Lam taught me how to discern my calling. I kept silent, prayed, had a devotional quiet time and read the Bible before finding the Lord’s calling for my life: to be a hospital chaplain. But just like Gideon, I did not have enough faith at that time, so I asked God for a sign. I said to the Lord, “If this is indeed your will, please prepare the way for me. I especially need the unconditional support of my wife, my pastor and my parents.”

A Sign of God’s Grace

　　In October 2016, the pastor at my church preached to my father again before he was admitted to hospital. To my surprise, my father, who had always been indifferent to the gospel despite hearing it for more than ten years, decided to believe in Christ, and supported my decision to study theology. Even my mother, who dislikes Christianity, supported my decision unconditionally. This had greatly boosted my faith in the Lord. In November, twice in my devotion, I happened to reflect on scriptures about Jesus calming the storm. Jesus said to His disciples, “Why are you so afraid? Do you still have no faith?” (Mk 4:40) The Lord spoke to me again as I was reading the Bible. Once again I heard Him say, “Whom shall I send? And who will go for us?” (Is 6:8)

　　The Lord also helped me make up my mind to become a full-time minister through the pastor’s sermon and the speaker’s call at the Spiritual Revival Conference organized by the Baptist Convention of Hong Kong. The pastor preached on chapter 12 of the Book of Jeremiah. Listening to the sermon was like hearing the Lord ask me, “As a full-time minister you will walk an even more strenuous path than you do now. In the past you did not want to face suffering, but now you have to go to places full of suffering, walk with those who suffer, comfort them with the comfort you receive from me, bring them the gospel and shepherd them. Are you willing to do so?” I was crying the whole time, something I had never done in my 26 years of listening to sermons. I responded, “Yes, I am. I owe you my life, my knowledge and my wealth. Everything I have, I owe to you. May you use my life! Here am I. Send me!”

　　Through various experiences, God has “uprooted, torn down, built and planted” me, showing me the power of the gospel and how it comforts so that I can better serve Him and shepherd His flock. We could have true hope only when we put our hope in our Lord, who never gives up on us, and be strong in His mighty power and grace. I wish to become a chaplain, devoting all my time to shepherding those in need, walking with patients and their families and bringing the gospel to them so that they too may receive comfort and salvation from the Lord.

　　To our Triune God be glory!