The Unending Call

Siu-man, his wife Sze-man and their children

Unruly Pupil / God’s Disciple

　　I was certain from the moment I accepted Jesus that it was He who had chosen me to be His disciple.

　　I used to be uncontrollable during my primary school years, a problem child for every teacher. Ever since fourth grade, I was more often than not placed in a special seat reserved for those who misbehave in class as a punishment; often was the seat next to the teacher, the seat in one of the four corners of the classroom or the outward-facing seat by the door. You can imagine how much my teachers hated me. I was frequently scolded and punished. I felt rejected by everyone, making my self-worth and self-esteem fade away.

　　When I was given the option to choose a secondary school as a sixth grader, my class teacher persuaded my mother to change her mind in favour of a newly established Christian secondary school. She gave two reasons: firstly, I was so unruly that only a religious school could help me (though neither she nor my mom were Christians); secondly, being in its first year, the school would have more resources to keep me from going astray. My mom happily agreed, and so I got to learn about Christianity when I was in secondary school. I not only gained knowledge of Christianity at school but also, more importantly, felt the acceptance of Christian teachers. When I was in Form 2, I decided to accept Jesus Christ at an evangelistic meeting at school.

How Can It Be Me?

　　I felt being called for full-time ministry as early as when I first went to church as a Form 4 student. Having no sense of self-esteem back then, I reckoned that pastoral ministry is not for someone like me, especially because the brothers and sisters in the church were more capable than me. Nonetheless I kept the calling in my heart. A few years later, in 2003, I had the opportunity to participate in a dedication camp organized by the Campus Crusade for Christ, in which I renewed my pledge to become a full-time preacher. This time I felt even more helpless as I saw a lot of university students, who were more knowledgeable and capable than I was, commit themselves to serving God. I was a nobody compared to them. That observation reaffirmed my belief that I do not deserve to be a preacher. Once again I put aside my passion as I fell into the cycle of “called – touched – feeling inadequate – give up,” though I still served in the church.

Isn’t That Enough Already?

　　I landed an administrative job in an insurance company after I graduated, and got a promotion a few years later. I had planned to stay in the industry after the promotion, but then a voice came to me, “Are you really going to take the promotion? Didn’t you promise to serve me full-time?” I responded at that time, “I have already taken up a lot of ministerial work in the church. I just don’t want to be a preacher. Can we leave it here?” God did not speak to me after that.

　　Yet, His words stayed with me. After careful consideration, I resigned from my job at the insurance company and went to serve at a children’s home, a Christian institution, taking care of children from broken families. I served there for four years. At first I did it just to keep God silent, “I am kind of serving full-time now. Please don’t bother me anymore.” Though God no longer talked to me in the way He used to, He helped me grow in His love by blessing me with great colleagues during those four years. What surprised me even more is that He chose to heal me with the difficult children that I was serving, and helped me rebuild my broken life. In them I saw how naughty I used to be, but I no longer harped on how I used to be punished. Instead, I realized that God had accepted me. He had chosen me to be His disciple and to know Him more deeply. More importantly, during my time working at the children’s home, God had intensified my determination and passion to serve Him, and improved my attitude towards the ministry calling.

Do You Really Mean Me?

　　My wife was pregnant after we got married. The job at the children’s home required irregular working hours, keeping me from looking after my family, so I eventually decided to quit. After a discussion with my supervisor, my last working day was set for October 31, 2014; after that, the pastor at my church told me that Hong Kong Baptist Theological Seminary was going to host a Full-Time Ministry Seminar on November 1. The timing was perfect. At that time I was still not enthusiastic about full-time ministry at a church, but it was a good thing to go to that seminar after leaving my job, so I enrolled myself in it.

　　I had a fever on October 22 when I was at work, and was diagnosed with hand, foot and mouth disease (HFMD), which meant I had to be quarantined. As the viruses causing HFMD can spread from the mother to the embryo, I must live away from my wife. God had set aside a period of time for me to be on my own so that I could seek Him and contemplate what I would like to do in the years to come. I would definitely go on to serve God. Looking back upon the four years I spent at the children’s home, I found that what I liked most was reading the Bible with children, sharing my faith with them and taking them to church. The illness gave me a chance to re-adjust the direction of my ministry and to make up my mind to serve full-time in the church. I made a full recovery on October 31 and participated in the Full-Time Ministry Seminar at HKBTS the next day.

　　As I reaffirmed my calling in the seminar, I wanted to immediately enroll in a theology program, but the senior pastor at my church advised me to serve as a gospel assistant first before deciding whether I really had a calling for full-time ministry. God led me to a position of gospel assistant at the Hong Kong Baptist Church Henrietta Chapel. Through various ministry tasks, I gained a much clearer confirmation of God’s calling.

　　Today, responding to the Lord’s calling together with my fellow students, I am admitted into the Hong Kong Baptist Theological Seminary to learn how to serve the Lord with a faithful heart and become a worker who does not need to be ashamed.