A New Model Designed for Christian Life Coaching
Roy Chan
Associate Professor of Practical Theology (Life Coaching, Psychology and Recreational Ministry)
Life coaching is a fairly new term, which refers to a new technique that is much sought after in modern management, training, counseling, and education. Within Christian circles, the promotion of Christian life coaching education has also begun. After all, some may ask whether it is appropriate to apply a technique developed in the commercial sector to Christian management, training, and counselling. I remember the first time when I mentioned Christian life coaching in a church fellowship meeting and talked about how everyone needs to pursue their own dreams and goals in life, one brother raised this question, “Isn’t it excessively individualistic thinking if a Christian pursues his own dreams and preferences while neglecting the plan of God in his life?”
This is indeed a key issue as modern psychology and counselling pays attention to tapping into each person’s potential advocated in humanism, seeking individualistic self-actualization and exalting personal preferences as the ultimate direction to pursue. However, the essence of Christianity demands that Christian believers forsake their old selves and seek to lead a life where they can say, “I no longer live but Christ lives in me.” The aim of this essay is an attempt to explore the major differences between life coaching and Christian life coaching in an effort to come up with a new model that complements the two views.
The Humanistic Character of Life Coaching
What are the basic elements of life coaching? Different books list the main ideas of life coaching, for example, Linda Miller and Chad Hall list eight vital coaching skills: listening, asking precise questions, identifying action, delivering direct messages, acknowledging, sharing self, being silent, and synthesizing, 1 while Chen Heng-lim mentions seven basic skills: attention, listening, empathy, asking questions, reiteration, doing a summary, and feedback. 2 Tony Stoltzfus, the writer of a set of very popular theories on Christian life coaching in America, introduces his simplified three-point model: relationship based, client-centered, and God driven. 3
Stoltzfus’ Life Coaching Model
For discussion and analysis, Stoltzfus’ life coaching model is used in this essay (see figure 1).
- Relationship Based: This seemingly simple element is in fact the most basic key in shepherding care and it is a test of a tutor’s patience and self-cultivation. The tutor may always be too enthusiastic, anxious to offer suggestions and assistance while neglecting to build up a relationship of trust and acceptance between the community to be cared for and himself. First, does the care-recipient feel that the life coach is worthy of being trusted? This involves the issue of integrity. Second, the care-recipient would consider whether the tutor is capable of helping him or her. Finally, we need to consider whether a heart-to-heart relationship has been established between the tutor and the care-recipient. A professional counsellor / life coach can shorten the time it takes through their professional authority but that hinges on whether trust has been gained in the process of relationship building as the recipient’s trust toward the tutor may take a bit of the latter’s patience. I had been waiting for five years in the church’s teenage basketball team before a young man had gained enough courage to ask me some questions about his spiritual growth. The key is not strong leadership but giving time and space for the care-recipient to deepen their understanding and trust in the tutor.
- Client-centered: Almost all modern counselling theories attach importance to putting the client at the center. Such an emphasis helps the life coach understand how the care-recipient looks at the problem he faces from his own point of view and not from that of the life coach or a stereotypical understanding. The difficulty consists in the fact that the person involved very often has an emotional understanding of his big problems and yet lacks an intellectual or logical understanding. The task of the life coach is first to begin with the person’s understanding and emotion. Then the tutor seeks to help the care recipient to integrate the two in an effort to get to the core issue.
- God Driven: The life coach will attempt to help the person pursue his goal or dream and so he have good reputation of instructing people to “go after their dreams.” The person themself may know neither what he wants nor the core desire which lies hidden beneath the superficial goals. For example, if the superficial goal is to lose weight, the inner, hidden need is in fact the need for acknowledgement and love. The goals pursued by most people, for example, money, fame, power, and partners, are only superficial goals and not the core goals such as inner peace, to be loved, to contribute to society. The primary task of a life coach is to locate the core goals and then to try and help the person find the way to achieve those goals. A Christian’s primary concern is ultimately to seek to be God-driven which is their core goal.
The life coaching technique consisted of the three criteria mentioned has proven to be a strong communicative technique in training and counselling. But something is still lacking when they are applied to Christian ministry. Although Stoltzfus’ three key points do have God’s guidance, its connotation still needs to be interpreted. For a long time, psychology and counselling focused on the personal needs of the care-recipient. This is especially true for Positive Psychology which advocates for improvement of oneself and self-actualization. This has originated from the humanistic approach which places the person at the center. Christianity, which regards God-centeredness as the central consideration, is wary of modern humanistic psychologists. Because life coaches take personal goals as the starting point and the finishing line, where is the place for God’s will? Can human desire and God’s will co-exist? Brothers and sisters always pose this question: what is the difference between life coaching and Christian life coaching? Of course the two are different. The major distinction is that life coaching applies a set of tools to counsel, lead, teach and communicate without a value system or any ethical thinking of its own. In contrast, Christian life coaching has its own central beliefs such as Christian doctrines, beliefs, and value systems, and it is a set of methods that can be applied to counselling, leadership, training, and communication. After careful consideration, in seeking God’s will I have designed the following model which is composed of three key points: to be based on the Bible, relationship with God, God’s plan (see figure 2).
The Model of Seeking God’s Will
- To be based on the Bible: God’s will and teachings have been revealed to us through the Bible. Therefore, in the process of life coaching, the coach can directly ask the care-recipient according to the criteria shown in the Bible: “What does the Bible say?” This is not what ordinary life coaching can offer.
- Relationship with God: Very often it is not that the person doesn’t know what to do but because that person is far away from God or his relation with God is at a low ebb so that he choose his own way when facing life decisions. Gradually the voice of the Holy Spirit fails to ring in his heart and he gets lost in the midst of the world’s temptations.
- God’s Plan: Even as Christians, sometimes some decisions we have made are not in line with God’s plan. For example, some Christians only take up a ministry that fits their own personal preferences with no consideration to the needs of the church, nor do they seek God’s plan in their lives. We need to be still, listen attentively to God with our hearts, and accept God’s will. In this way, what we go after becomes in line with God’s will. Then we receive God’s blessing and walk in His will.
A New Model Designed for Christian Life Coaching
If the three key points in life coaching technique (figure 1) act in concert with the three conditions based on Christianity (figure 2), then it will constitute the Christian life coaching basic combination that consists of 6 main points in three strata (figure 3). Figure 3 is formed when I try to overlap the following two units. There is a balanced symmetry of the three elements of technique and the three spiritual elements as the technique and the spiritual elements are mutually in accord with one another. According to this model, the Christian life coach will seek to build up a relationship with the care-recipient and begin with the two elements in the lowest, base stratum as he seeks guidance from the Bible which is their common basis.
- The lowest stratum stresses building a relationship between the two. A good relationship is set up when there is an approval of the coach’s integrity, competence, and trust from the care-recipient. The biblical criteria and teachings facilitate communication between the two parties as they share a common value system which makes an effective consensus possible. If not, it is like playing a game where each player follows different rules. As a result, the game cannot go on. If a harmonious and trusting relationship is built for both parties and the biblical teachings serve as the communicative criteria, then both parties contribute to creating the basis of life coaching together.
- In the middle stratum, the two key points seem to be mutually antithetical because they pay attention to both the human-and-God relationship and the client as the center of attention, implying that the person concerned takes his personal needs as the criteria in pursuit of his goal. In fact, it is of course important to understand the criteria and teachings of the Bible but the main reason for a good spiritual life is to have a close relationship with God. For one who has a close relationship with God, he will also be Christ-centered and not self-centered. The two key points in the middle stratum is to emphasize re-building “the quest for the true self” upon the basis of a good relationship with God. In Jesus’ teaching, he often begins with the saying, “The kingdom of heaven is like this.” This saying intends to teach us Christian believers to re-build “a self-concept of those who belong to Christ.”
- Finally, it comes to the third and top stratum. We can see that the moral standard of personal goals takes on the biblical standard and a close relationship with God as its basis. Therefore, while a Christian goes after his personal goals, he needs to understand God’s will and plan in his life.
These six key points are divided into three strata with the two main points in each stratum which is a combination of skills and concepts. In the first stratum, the harmonious, trusting relationship between the coach and the care-recipient is based on the mutually shared biblical concepts. The second stratum emphasizes the relationship between the person and God. The re-constructed self in this relationship comes close to the idea of self that a Christian should have. The third stratum seeks to integrate personal goals and God’s plan in the person’s life which is set on the basis of the first two strata.
Christian life coaching is an important technique for future shepherding and care between pastors and lay Christians. In recent years, the number of books written on Christian life coaching has increased greatly. Yet, the theory building still needs to be strengthened. This essay mainly explores the succession of relevant theories on how to strengthen the integration of spiritual life guidance and life coaching techniques. Only time and practical implementation can tell how successful such an integration will be.
* The writer holds the copyright of this article including the content, ideas and figures.
____________________________________________
1 Linda Miller and Chad Hall, Coaching for Christian Leaders: A Practical Guide (St. Louis: Chalice, 2007), 23.
2 陳恆霖：《Coach領導學：帶人才超越「現在職位」的企業教練心理&對話技術》（台北：大寫，2012），頁249-279。(It is a book printed in Chinese, published in Taiwan on coaching and leadership.)
3 Tony Stoltzfus, Leadership Coaching: The Disciplines, Skills and Heart of a Christian Coach (Virginia Beach: Coach22, 2005), 79-80.