Changed Forever

　　When I began writing this essay at 10 AM on August 25, 2015, it was also the time when the Seminary’s Opening Convocation for the 2015-16 school year began. This year I am no longer a student. Looking back at the past four years of my studies at the seminary, I can see that I was on the path of “Knowing God, Recognizing Faith, and My True Self,” which has changed me forever.

Knowing God

　　Entering into the Seminary, the very first serious theological question that I faced was: “What is God?” Unexpectedly, the teacher posed this question and asked each of the 14 students in class to take turns answering and elaborating on their answers only to be “slapped in the face” by the teacher. Finally, when none of us could offer the “correct,” or “satisfactory” answer, I was even persuaded to confess that actually I had not known God well enough. Due to this, I unexpectedly began my journey obsessed with such questions as “what is God?” and “who is God?” as I began my 4-year study program at the seminary.

　　Of course, this was no simple journey. When the students asked whether seminary study means reading through 66 books of the Bible, we were trying to find out what kind of God is God as the Bible unfolds and expounds throughout our studies in biblical studies, systematic theology, church history and the like. When I shouted “God is love,” the Seminary sought to train me to reexamine what “God is love” really means. When I exalt the kind of sacrificial love displayed by Jesus hanging on the cross, I reflect on how he manifests his love to humankind through what he says and does during his more than thirty years on Earth. If I keep on asking, I will have to think carefully about the meaning of “God is love” in suffering. These four years of theological training allowed me to deeply understand that “What is God” cannot be explained in simple terms and so neither can it be answered with one universal solution.

　　Such an exercise in thinking challenges the God that I had conceived of and deepens my understanding of God’s attributes. Sometimes it makes me feel like I am full of doubts while at other times it fills me with joy. This four-year journey of deepening my knowledge of God has enabled me to further my trust in God, to make my Christian faith more comprehensive, and to be better able to withstand difficulties.

Recognizing Faith

　　“Faith in my service” was the most central and worst misconception that I held before my seminary studies. Although I did not say it aloud, I still thought this way. As I prayed, I submitted my “service” plan to God, asking Him to help carry it out according to my plan. I had prepared for God His action plan, hadn’t I? Now, after four years of training and learning to know God once again coupled with the loving yet vigorous edification of my teachers, I had recognized my faith more than ever before. For me, the process of faith recognition was a journey, which led me to yield my sovereignty to God.

　　For being able to walk along this path, I must thank the inspirational teachers who showed me the ideas of many theologians, the construction of church history, and the interpretation of scriptures, knowing that my faith is no hallow conviction. First of all, the Christian faith is not a blind or superstitious conviction; instead, our faith is: owing to our knowing God, we are willing to let His will transform our lives. Moreover, knowing that to recognize my faith is to find out and go after this Lord of Creation. I learn to submit the sovereignty of my life and let God be my guide in life, for He is trustworthy and I am not.

Recognizing Myself

　　It is not that I found a god in whom I believe so that this god will serve me but that there is one God who calls us to follow Him. When I recognize the Christian faith in this way, I am able to recognize myself as a creature with limitations—as neither the master of my own life nor the master of others; I can have no authority to devise the best life plan for myself or others— only our infinite God can. Thanks to recognizing myself in this way, I have learned humility that I could never quite understand before.

　　This journey could not have happened without my fellow students walking alongside me. Amongst us, there was no need for competition or comparison. We, as with all people, are always good at criticizing other people’s weaknesses, at reminding others what they should do or worrying about whether or not someone is fit to be a pastor. We are liable to see other’s deficiencies but not our own; we ought not to forget that we are only finite creatures. Like our fellow students, we are but sinners redeemed by grace. Interestingly enough, others may also worry about whether or not we are fit to be pastors. In fact, we are all equals who have received God’s grace and none are better than others.

　　Without such a group of schoolmates walking shoulder to shoulder with me, these four years of study at the seminary would have been very different. Without them, I might not have realized my own deficiencies; without them, I might also have not discovered my own strength. My schoolmates are a gift from God who have accepted me for who I am.

Forever Changed by My Journey

　　In this way, my path has led me to study here and now my studies have come to an end. I must give thanks to all those who have supported me during this journey, especially to all the Seminary staff and my fellow students. Of course, for being able to take this journey to “know God, and to recognize faith and myself,” I must thank all my teachers who are so dedicated and truly “knowledgeable pastors and scholars full of love.” I pray that on my future ministry path I will take the blessings of all of you with me and may glory be to God who has called us out of darkness into His amazing light.