Three Opened Doors

Lai-mau, Ji-mei, daughter and son

A Sudden Urge

　　 More than ten years ago, a Christian brother asked me, “Will you serve God full-time?” I replied without hesitation, “That might have to wait until I retire.” He said, “Will that be too long?” I replied offhandedly, “If you don’t want that to happen, will you pray for me so that I may retire earlier than usual!” In fact, I was not opposed to full-time ministry, but at that moment I did not feel moved to pursue it.

　　By chance in 2011, I got to talking with a secondary schoolmate with whom I had not seen for more than ten years. She had gone to the United States for further studies and had received three degrees, one each in literature, law, and theology. At that time, she was finishing her doctorate in theology and was hoping to go to China to share the gospel after she graduated.

　　But then, shockingly she was diagnosed with cancer which had progressed into the fourth stage, making her physically unable to finish the Th.D. program. She had to give up her studies. This news was a wake-up call for me, telling me that life should not be taken for granted. I realized that I do not have full control of the remainder of my life and that I was not getting any younger, meaning that there may not be much time for me to be of use to God. When I realized that time could pass by so quickly, the urge to serve God sooner rather than later welled up in my heart.

　　After that, during every Gospel Sunday when people came to Christ and walked up to the front of the church, I would become filled with emotions. I hoped that I too could bring others to meet with Christ. What a precious thing it would be! I used to be a stoic person who did not easily shed tears. But now when I am met with such situations, I can no longer hold back my emotions. From that year on, when singing hymns in praise of God’s grace and love, I would often feel touched and tears would begin to fall. My heart would be filled with an urge to serve and a sense of guilt about neglecting this urge in the past.

Three Doors That Cannot Be Opened

　　In one fellowship meeting, I hinted my intention of serving God full-time. Among those Christian brothers and sisters, only two persons fully understood my meaning. The first one was of course my wife, Ji-mei. Upon returning home, she asked me if I had God’s spiritual prompting to go into full-time ministry. I affirmed that I did and she responded by saying, “I have not yet had any prompting from God. Give me some time to pray and I will ask God for a confirmation.” I replied, “Good, but don’t tell me what kind of confirmation you will ask for.” The second one who understood my intention was the pastor’s wife. She told me that to serve God was a beautiful thing, and she encouraged me to pray fervently to seek God’s will for my life.

　　In the following year of 2012, I had many difficulties because I felt a great internal struggle and a great deal of confusion about my future. I felt that in front of me there were three doors that could not be opened.

　　The first door was that my wife had not had the same prompting from God. I knew that without her walking alongside me, sharing one heart and mind, it would not be possible for me to step onto the road of consecration. The second door was the difficulty of leaving my job. I worked for an export company which had just begun developing its self-owned brand product for the Chinese market. I felt that I must not resign from my job during such a critical time for the company. The third door was my own inner struggle. Even if I was willing to serve God, there were all kinds of worries in my mind; reason told me that taking up full-time ministry was impossible. And so this yearning could only be suppressed inside my heart.

　　On the one hand, the Holy Spirit’s prompting welled up an urge in my heart; on the other hand, those three doors that could not be opened were like three seperate forces which kept tugging in opposite directions inside my heart.

God Opened the First Door

　　It was November 2013 when Ji-mei and I went on a trip outside Hong Kong. On the trip, she suddenly asked me, “Do you still have the prompting of serving God full-time?” I told her that I still did. She said, “Two years ago I asked God in prayer for an affirmation and now I have seen God’s affirmation. From now on I will fully support you to walk onto the road of consecration.”

　　Actually what Ji-mei asked was that God would change my temperament so that I could have a better temper and a greater capacity for love that would enable me to better respond to God’s call. When she saw that God had begun to transform my weaknesses, she knew that this was a confirmation. She regards patience as being of the utmost importance to a pastor; without it the church will be in constant conflict due to members’ mutual differences. From then on, Ji-mei encouraged me to get a clear understanding of God’s call and to research theological programs of study. It was in this way that God opened the first door!

God Opened the Second Door

　　After the first door had opened, I began to wonder, “Who could I turn to in order to make clear whether it was really God’s call?” I then remembered that a year ago my church had organized a teacher training course for Sunday School teachers and some HKBTS professors had been invited to speak on various topics. This opportunity enabled me to have a reunion with Dr. Alexander Mak, who had been my teacher when he led the worship service and Bible study group in my former church as a seminary student doing his practicum more than twenty years ago. To me, teacher Mak was the best choice because I regarded him as my mentor who could help me think clearly about God’s call. So, I went to seek his advice.

　　With an open heart, we shared what was in our minds that night. Teacher Mak helped me to clarify a few concepts and guided me in a certain direction. He pointed out that when we decide to take up the cross to follow Christ, it implies that we are willing to let go of everything and let God make plans for us, including our family, children, housing, job position, and the direction of our future ministry. This is a ministry based on faith. As for the issue of God’s call, he suggested that I should keep on asking for God’s prompting until there was peace in my heart and then it would be the right time. He also gave me an important admonishment: Let God decide when I should quit my job. In this way, God opened the second door! In my devotional time the following day, God’s word immediately comforted me: “Though he brings grief, he will show compassion, so great is his unfailing love. For he does not willingly bring affliction or grief to the children of men.” (La 3:32-33) I decided to leave the decision of when to quit my job to God and not to worry about it.

What Is God’s Call?

　　The internal struggle that remained with me went back to the basic question: What is God’s call? A week later, I went to seek advice from my church pastor and his wife. They shared with me several forms of God’s call, telling me that God would remind and call a person through different men and incidents. They suggested that my wife and I should pray together and make my decision known to my children because this ought to be a beautiful thing for the whole family. When the time came that I had peace in my heart, then it would be the time to go.

　　Accordingly, I went to talk with my son, Tin-ho, aged 17, and my daughter, Tin-suet, aged 14, and I asked them, “If papa go to study in a seminary, will you support me?” Tin-ho replied, “To study in a seminary is good. You can know more about God. I will support you.” Tin-suet said, “Do you have the prompting and feel touched in the heart? If you do, then go!” In a family service, Ji-mei shared with our children, helping them understand that we would offer the whole family to God and as a family, we would have to take part in the adventure altogether and support one another.

Peace from God

　　In the face of making such a big decision, I still could not help feeling hesitant and was trembling with fear inside. I continued to ask God for more signals in my prayers and in my devotional time. While singing hymns in the Worship Service, God kept prompting me through the lyrics and the tunes in these hymns: “I heard my Master say; ‘I gave My life to ransom thee, Surrender Your all today.’ … To Christ who loves me so; He is my Master, Lord, and king, Wherever He leads I’ll go” and “All I have needed Thy hand hath provided.” I could not help shedding tears. I felt God’s love and realized that all I need has already been abundantly prepared.

　　In my devotional time, God strengthened me once again with His word, “so is my word that goes out from my mouth: It will not return to me empty, but will accomplish what I desire and achieve the purpose for which I sent it.” (Isa 55:11) “Everyone who competes in the games goes into strict training. They do it to get a crown that will not last; but we do it to get a crown that will last forever.” (2 Co 9:25) “Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us.” (Heb 12:1)

　　This is what I heard from many different people: “When you have a heart of peace, you can then step onto this path!” But I still was not sure that I felt or understood what that peace was like. Consequently in the devotional, I prayed to God for a heart of peace. In the Sunday Service two days later, the pastor’s sermon message was exactly to do with “peace.” The Lord Jesus seemed to tell me himself: “Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.” (Jn 14:27) The Lord’s word enabled me to understand and experience peace further.

It Is God’s Choice That We Can Serve God

　　However, I still found it difficult to make that choice. Until February 2014, in a Spiritual Enrichment Meeting, Rev. Lau Shu-sum pointed out that we should walk outside our comfort zone to serve God. He led me to understand what my long-lingering apprehension and timidity had been: The reluctance to leave behind my sense of security and the lifestyle in which I felt confident.

　　Moreover, I always said this was a hard choice but Jesus says, “You did not choose me, but I chose you and appointed you to go and bear fruit—fruit that will last. Then the Father will give you whatever you ask in my name.” (Jn 15:16) In that meeting, I was suddenly awakened. Actually to serve God is not my choice but God’s! What I need to do is simply submit to God’s choice and leading.

God Opened the Third Door

　　At that moment, all the struggles of these past three years fell away and I saw how God had paved the way step by step, and so I could not find any reason to refuse His call. In great boldness, I entrusted the needs of my family, my children’s study, my job, and the path of my service in the future to God. Whatever situation I might be in, I was willing to be obedient to God and submit to His guidance. Then, in my heart I suddenly felt a sense of peace. Oh, I now understood that actually peace is a personal feeling. Even in the midst of undesirable situations or difficult times, we do not need to feel doubtful, sad, or timid. Inside, we always feel calm and secure. This is real peace, which is also what God promises!

　　The third door was thusly opened! Right now, counting on God’s leading and help, I am willing to step onto the path of full-time ministry, trusting in His wisdom and strength. Thank God for leading me to the Seminary to be equipped. I am willing to offer up to God my ministry based on faith and consecrate all my strength and the rest of my life to His use.