The Fisher-girl Chosen by God

Suk-fun, Kam-wah and their children

The Small Wish of a Fisher-Girl

　　“For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb.” (Ps. 139:13) From an early age, I have deeply appreciated the meaning of this scripture verse. I was born into a Christian family and even while in my mother’s womb, I had gone to church. I consider my parents’ greatest gift to me is their enabling me to come in contact with the gospel and making it possible for me to know the Lord Jesus personally. This opportunity was also the most beautiful blessing in my life.

　　I remember when I was in junior secondary school, I heard my grandma exclaim in perfect contentment, “Thank heavens! My daughter can be a pastor! What a good thing it is!” Grandpa and grandma were fisher people. In the old days, most of their children had had no opportunity for education. Although my aunt, my father’s younger sister, had been a fisher-girl, she could not only graduate from secondary school but could also finish her seminary training. She dedicated herself to be a pastor, much to the joy and satisfaction of my grandma. Under the imperceptible influence of my grandma, I had incubated my own secret wish that God would choose me, also a fisher-girl, to be a pastor.

“Pardon Me for My Little Faith, But Please Wait Until I …”

　　In 1980, I went to study in The Hong Kong Institute of Education. After three years’ training, I became a qualified teacher deeply engaged in the work of education. At that time, I took an oath, promising God: “Allow me to work in school for ten years. After ten years, I will leave the teaching post to serve you full time!”

　　Ten years passed me as quickly as flowing water. When I was 31 years of age, I remembered that ten years earlier, I had promised God to be a pastor. However, as I looked at my new-born daughter and my five-year-old son, suddenly the pressure of my family’s financial burden was pressing so heavily on me that I lacked the courage to give up the steady income of my teaching post. As a result, I flatly refused God’s call to me and answered Him by saying, “O Lord, I am sorry but this is indeed impossible at present! Pardon me for my little faith but please wait until I am 45. Then I will take early retirement and serve you full time….”

The Ups and Downs of Life Are Not Predictable

　　The years passed by quickly. During this period of time, I enjoyed my work as a teacher and was pleased to commit myself to serving my own church. Meanwhile, I also found our family life pleasant. Then in 2004, I faced a dramatic turning point in life. That year, just after we had moved to a bigger flat, my husband, Kam-wah, faced difficulties in his job and was consequently laid off. Our family finances were suddenly strained. We had to sell the flat at a loss to reduce the burden of a big mortgage. We had to start everything from scratch. From this incident I realized that the ups and downs of life are beyond human control! I had always presumed that my husband’s job was secure and I never imagined that our safe world would collapse. Nothing in life is ever completely safe.

　　Approximately half a year later, when Kam-wah managed to find a job, his income was unstable. However, both of us thanked God for the period of time during which Kam-wah was looking for a job because God gave us more time to build up a closer husband-wife relationship. This time also helped us experience the truth of God’s promise in Psalm 23: “The Lord is our shepherd and I shall not be in want.” Despite being in dire financial straits in our daily living, God allowed our hearts to be filled with peace and joy. However, at that time I did not recall my promise to serve God full time. It seemed I had forgotten all about it.

God Called Again When I Was 45 Years Old

　　Then in February 2008, God made His call to me loud and clear. It came through a sermon in one Sunday Worship Service and it reawakened my resolution to set out on the road of consecration. During that worship service, my pastor told us the story of Mary who took about a pint of pure nard, an expensive perfume, and poured on Jesus’ feet. Mary unreservedly poured out the bottle of perfume, which would cost her a year’s wage, all for her Lord Jesus. She loved the Lord Jesus deeply. Because of her close relationship with Jesus, she seized that crucial moment. Our pastor challenged us to give our all in response to God’s love and encouraged us to put aside our work to study in the church’s one-year church ministry program. At that moment, the lyrics of the hymn we sang moved me deeply: “All that has been achieved can be discarded and all my failure can also be ….” At that moment I wanted to respond to God’s call, yet I still had many inner struggles. As a result, I still could not gather enough courage to walk down to the front.

　　Three days later I joined the church’s Wednesday evening prayer meeting. That evening, our pastor preached from the same scripture text again and called all those willing to forsake everything and commit themselves to the Lord to walk down to the front to make the commitment. At that time, my heart was melted by the love of God and I could no longer resist God’s call. At last, I plucked up my courage to walk down to the front. When our pastor prayed for me, I could not stop my tears from slowly flowing down as I deeply experienced the great love of the Lord Jesus. I did not want to miss the opportunity again and I was determined to consecrate myself to the Lord. In the past I could never have imagined that I had almost forgotten my pledge of consecration to God but God in His great wisdom had never forgotten. Right then I recalled my promise to God: “At the age of forty five…at the age of forty five…” Amazingly, God has never forgotten my promise and He has renewed His call to me when I was forty five years old.

One Year’s Wage One Year’s Study Expense

　　After responding to God’s call, I began to consider quitting my job to begin full time seminary training. When I shared the idea of serving God full time with my husband, he strongly supported my decision and encouraged me to “take a step forward.” However, in my heart, I was still worried about the family’s financial needs for I did not want to impose a heavier burden on my husband. In March not long after our conversation, Kam-wah suddenly received a sizeable bonus from his company, an amount that was equal to one year of my salary. It seemed that God was saying to me, “Do you still have no faith in me? I am your shepherd and you shall not be in want. Do you not know that I, your God, have the power to provide for your family’s needs? Trust in me!” I have always been one with little faith, yet God still takes care of me. At that time, I came to feel deeply that God cared for me in my weaknesses. He actually cared so much for me personally!

　　So, I summoned enough courage to leave my teaching post after some 25 years in the education field and I enrolled to study in my church’s ministry training program. The study that year not only enriched my self-understanding but also provided me the opportunity to reflect on my spiritual life. It helped me begin to acquire theological knowledge systematically. After completing a year’s training, the Lord led me to enter into full time ministry in my own church where I served as an assistant minister.

“My Power Is Made Perfect in Weakness”

　　I joined the church’s ministry team but then in those two years, the church was going through a series of personnel changes, and as a result the pastor and several ministers resigned in succession. Seeing my mother church facing so many difficulties, my heart was bleeding. The result was that my spiritual condition was at its lowest level. All along, I held fast to God as I believed that, through it all, God must have a purpose to allow me to be in my present ministry post. In those tough times, I learned to pray earnestly for the church with the strong conviction that God would take good care of the church He continued to love. As my prayer life was strengthened, the personnel problems within the church did not obstruct my commitment to God. Instead, this experience taught me to realize that man is by nature weak and in constant need of God’s mercy. Facing different challenges, we must claim the Christian truth and stand firm as we trust in God’s Word. God’s Word must remain our standard and guide in life so that we do not drift with the changing currents of the world.

　　After serving two years in my church, God led me to enter HKBTS to receive three years’ full time seminary training. As I return to study in school, I need to overcome all kinds of obstacles. Being one of little faith, I indeed fear that I lack the ability to handle the pressure of full time study. But the Word of God encourages me again and again: “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” (2 Cor 12:9) Whenever I recall Jesus’ sayings, my faith is soon restored and I dare to march forward without fear. Since God has provided for me abundantly in material, I believe He will also give me sufficient ability and care for me with all that I need. Since my past experience of God’s call has been so good and true, I am truly convinced that the experience of these few years of seminary study will similarly be good and true as I can know the Lord who called me all the more deeply.

　　“O Lord, thank You for patiently waiting for my response after so many years! O Lord, I am willing to submit to You!”