Midway: A Life to be Hammered into Shape

A Thought about Midway

　　The graduate certificate is not yet in my hand! Besides completing all the classroom study, what signifies the “completion” of a seminary graduate?

　　Is there such thing as a “completed” category or a “not yet completed” category for a church minister? Ideas learned in biblical studies and in theological education need to be put into practice and verified in the churches’ preaching and teaching ministry. The graduate’s effectiveness in pastoral care has to go through the test of time to see whether the minister can offer empathetic care and concern for Christian brothers and sisters facing crises in their lives. As to whether a theological student is a capable minister, useful to God, no one can give a fair assessment now, but that will depend on that student’s hard work and faithfulness to God in the time to come. There must be time for the knowledge, study, thoughts and understanding accumulated throughout our seminary study to be absorbed and integrated. That brings us back to the hard question: What does “graduation” from a seminary imply?

　　Today’s commencement or beginning of ministry prompts me to reflect on my past three to four years of seminary study. If we consider ourselves not yet fully useful to God and feel a need to continue learning and being trained to be faithful to God’s call, then “graduation” is just the half way point in our journey. This midway point is the beginning of our actual commitment to serving God in the world. To be midway is to know that our final destination has not yet been attained and that we must, with fear and trembling, move forward to a new stage.

　　I think of the Commissioning Ceremony held just before my graduation when one of our respected teachers in all earnestness quoted Paul, “You yourselves are our letter, written on our hearts, to be known and read by all men.” (2 Corinthians 3:2) He placed high hope in these words to remind us that the trials in life are yet to come and to warn us that a minister must face the challenge of moving towards maturity and facing our own dark side. These words also reveal to us the vision of a minister’s life and such a vision must help us see our own inner life, rather than by being based on whether or not the minister’s church is successful. To Paul, all the achievements in his missions are not worth mentioning; what he cares about most is the spirituality of the churches that he helps found; thus, this is his “recommendation letter.”

　　Every ministry worker hopes that the effectiveness of his / her ministry can be revealed in the lives of brothers and sisters to whom he/she ministers. The spiritual principle involved is this: “Only life can impact upon life.” The struggles through which the minister goes and his own personal growth will definitely be reflected in his “recommendation letters.”

　　To be sure, as graduates of HKBTS, we are the “recommendation letters” of our seminary and our teachers. What kind of a recommendation letter have we written in the hearts of our teachers? I can only say this: The letter has not yet been finished! All of life’s trials and hammering of a minister’s character have yet to be finished!

The Midway Story

　　This is my own midway story.

　　Ever since I began studying in the Master of Divinity Program in HKBTS, my goal has been to build up a biblical and theological foundation in preparation for advanced theological study. Even though this goal has been clear to me as I have continued my journey, it is not as simple as I had once thought.

　　These three years of seminary study have been filled with training and a variety of study. There have been church practicum, spiritual formation groups, and participation in the seminary choir and seminary life. At the most, I must spend more than 20 hours on classroom lessons and school activities every week while also being busy with church practicum on Saturdays and Sundays. Monday, our day of rest, is mostly spent doing biblical language exercises; the remaining time is spent “clearing up” the weekly homework assignments. This is the routine of our lives at seminary. My study has been just lapping up information without digesting it and merely stuffing knowledge into my head without careful thought or reflection. However, I managed to cope with my studies and as I have managed to achieve quite good academic results, I am content to think that I had measured up to the required standard.

　　When I was about to graduate, the research paper (for the senior colloquium) that I was to write on my own got stuck somewhere in the middle. It was because I chose a challenging subject but then I had some difficulties developing my argument because at first I was too over-confident. As I was hard pressed for time, I was forced to lower my expectation for my essay again and again. Finally, when the essay was finished, it met my personal expectations but I was not true to God who had called me.

　　“Don’t you intend to further your studies in theology?” After this experience, how could I trust myself to go on along this road? I felt as if I had fallen into a deep chasm. This was the biggest blow I encountered just before graduation. My thoughts during that time were heavy, but God helped me find myself in the midst of my own pride, illusive thinking and emotional ups and downs. With the counsel and guidance of my teachers, I was able to face myself with sober judgment.

　　Time moves on, but the problem has yet “to be settled” and “to be concluded.” Graduation from the Master of Divinity Program is not my main goal. What God led me to see before my graduation was that the path I am to take still lies ahead: Through my struggles, I have found this need for consolidation and immersion to be the driving force for further theological studies.

　　Our Christian faith must build upon the foundation of our confession of faith and within the boundaries of the faith community and not be dictated by secular methods, ideas or hermeneutic approaches. Therefore, the road for me to go should be further studies of the theology classics, gaining thorough understanding of the origins of different faith traditions and learning to differentiate the essence of their faith, and reflecting upon theology in light of today’s situation. It is hoped that through training in the Seminary’s Master of Theology Program I can focus on the study of Christian thought so that I can systematically reorganize and integrate the theological thoughts and biblical studies that I have learned in the past three years.

　　Having considered my need for more theological study and reflection, I chose to study in the Master of Theology Program. Although I have just graduated, I now must immediately begin a new term of study. To be sure, I now find myself at a new midway point between “coming to an end” and “beginning.” All awaits completion and all awaits the mature fruit of a discipline of life.