放下自己:順服神的帶領

林浩漢

道學碩士一年級

我在一個平凡的四人家庭成長;母親是菲律賓人,信奉天主教。我自小就接觸基督教信仰,但到了升中學,在一所浸信會學校讀書後,我的信仰生命才漸漸成長扎根,並且在教會裏與弟兄姊妹一起事奉,經歷神的陶造。

神看人的心

20188月,我參與港九培靈研經會,神藉著多日來的信息向我說話。當中講員提及以賽亞書第章神呼召以賽亞作先知的信息,我極為深刻。當以賽亞看見神,他說禍哉!我滅亡了!因為我是嘴唇不潔的人,住在嘴唇不潔的民中,又因我親眼看見大君王——萬軍之耶和華。」(賽5和合本修訂版當時我與以賽亞一樣,深感自己是一個不潔、滿有罪污的人,活在罪中,根本沒有面目來到神面前,更不配為所用。但神沒有因此放棄我,反而藉著不同講員的信息回應我內心的掙扎疑惑。例如講員論述大衛生命高低起伏,這讓我明白神看重的是人的能力,而是一顆願意順服回應祂的心。當我只是默默禱告回應神,但最終這份感動仍留在心中。

福音的大能

培靈研經會過後,我參加一個菲律賓宿霧訪宣之旅,這讓我有機會從另一個角度去看自己的家鄉。這次訪宣,我們到訪當地的宣教工場,探望居住在墳場、街頭及窮民區的當地人;神讓我在那次旅程實實在在經歷並看見祂工作的偉大奇妙。在充滿困苦、悲傷、死亡、黑暗的地方,卻有一因神的愛而滿有喜樂、溫暖、盼望的群體。期間宣教士說的一番話深深觸動我:「我們的資金不多,只能幫助幾家人改善生活。其實再多的錢也不能幫助一切有需要的人,只東西才能真正幫助他們,改變他們,就是福音。」神讓我看見人真正的需要,困苦、憂傷靈可以因聽福音、信基督獲得生命的盼望。

訪宣旅程中,神藉這位宣教士的分享多次向我說話。宣教士細數她在宣教事奉路上所學到的順服功課。例如她起初對這個事奉工場完全不認識,也沒任何概念,但神呼召她的時候,她順服,堅定地回應,毅然開始當地的事奉工作。她鼓勵我說:「神用人並不是看那人的能力。若祂願意使用你,必定給予你足夠能力。只要願意放下自己,順服神的帶領,便能經驗那超乎人想像的供應。」藉這番話回應了我內心的疑惑,並深深感動我。那個旅程期間,我不斷反覆思想宣教士所分享的,還有我所看見的。與同行的牧者分享我的想法後,我便與他們一同禱告回應神,立志順服祂的帶領事奉祂,並求讓我日後有更清晰的方向。

 順服神的帶領

201810月,我參加香港浸信會神學院舉辦的全職事奉探索營。在營會裏,我有機會體驗神學生的生活,參與課堂,並與神學生及老師們分享我內心的感動。整個營會最令我觸動的是岑紹麟博士分享有關申命記的信息;他指利未人看似沒有分得任何的地作產業,但其實得到了最寶貴的職分,就是服侍神。因著神對以色列的拯救恩典,利未人學習順服,代表以色列民事奉神。我立刻回想經歷過的豐富的恩典及帶領,心想:若神呼召我為祂工作,我還有甚麼理由拒絕?我自知不足,因而渴望讀神學裝備自己,好能跟隨主的腳蹤行。

20192021年間,經社會事件及疫情,看見很多生命經歷低谷絕望;疫情期間,我也面對多位離世,更察覺生命的短暫無常。我意識到要好好裝備自己去服侍人,將人生命盼望的福音帶到人群當中,並在過程中學習順服,放下自己,回應祂對我的呼召,忠心事奉祂、服侍人。

I grew up in an ordinary family with four members. My mother is a Filipino catholic and I have been exposed to the Christian faith since my early childhood. However, my faith did not fully take root and grow until I became a student at a Baptist secondary school. I started to serve God and experience His molding along with my brothers and sisters at church.

God Knows Your Heart

In August 2018, I attended the Hong Kong Bible Conference, in which God spoke to me through messages each day. In particular, I was deeply impressed by the message in Isaiah 6, which mentioned God’s calling of Isaiah to be a prophet. When Isaiah saw God, he said, “Woe to me! I am ruined! For I am a man of unclean lips, and I live among a people of unclean lips, and my eyes have seen the King, the LORD Almighty” (Is 6:5). Like Isaiah, I strongly felt that I was an unclean and sinful person at that time. I found myself living in sin and was thus too ashamed to come before God and be used by Him. However, God did not give up on me. Instead, He responded to my inner struggles and doubts through the messages of various speakers. When one of the speakers mentioned the trials and tribulations of David’s life, for example, I realized that what God values is not one’s abilities but one’s submissive heart in responding to Him. At that time, I only responded to God with silent prayers; however, God’s call stayed in my heart.

The Power of the Gospel

After the Bible Conference, I joined a mission trip to Cebu in the Philippines, which gave me a different perspective of my homeland. During the trip, we visited the mission fields and the local people living in cemeteries, the streets, and other slum areas. God allowed me to truly experience and witness the great and wonderful work of God. In a place filled with hardships, sorrow, death, and darkness, there lived a community that was filled with joy, warmth, and hope because of God’s love. Meanwhile, I was deeply touched by a missionary’s words: “As funds are limited, we can only help several families improve their lot. In fact, even with more money, we are still unable to help all those in need. Only one thing can truly help and change them, and that is the gospel.” God let me see the true needs of humans: distressed and sorrowful souls can find hope of life by believing in Christ after hearing the gospel.

        During the mission trip, God spoke to me many times through the sharing of the missionary, who described in great detail what she had learned about submission on her path of missionary ministry. For example, she had neither knowledge nor concepts about the mission field at the beginning but when God called her, she was submissive and responded by starting her service in that place with determination. She said to me encouragingly, “When God uses a person, He does not look at their abilities. If He is willing to use you, He will surely give you sufficient abilities. So far as you are willing to deny yourself and be submissive to God’s guidance, you will experience His provision that surpasses human imagination.” God responded to the doubts in my heart and touched me with these words. Throughout the trip, I kept thinking about what the missionary shared and what I saw again and again. After sharing my thoughts with the pastors who walked with me on that trip, I responded to God by praying with them and made up my mind to submit to His guidance and to serve Him. I prayed that God might give me clearer direction in the future.

Being Submissive to God’s Guidance

        In October 2018, I joined the Full-time Ministry Experiential Camp organized by the Hong Kong Baptist Theological Seminary. During the camp, I had a chance to experience the life of a seminary student. I attended classes there and shared the inspirations in my heart with the seminary students and teachers. What touched me most in the camp was the message shared by Dr. Clement Shum on Deuteronomy. He pointed out that the Levites did not seem to have obtained any land as their inheritance but they had actually been assigned the most precious portion, which was the privilege to serve God. Because of God’s saving grace for Israel, the Levites learned to be submissive and serve God on behalf of the Israelites. Instantly, I recalled the ample grace and guidance of God that I had experienced in my life. I thought: if God meant to call me to work for Him, on what grounds should I turn it down? Knowing my own inadequacies, I began to long for equipping myself through theological studies so that I might walk in the Lord’s steps.

        In the period 2019-2021, subsequent to the social incidents and the pandemic, I witnessed that many people were experiencing low ebbs and despair in their lives. During the pandemic, I also experienced the loss of family members, realizing how transient and unpredictable life could be. I became aware that I had to equip myself properly so as to serve others and bring the gospel of life and hope to them. Meanwhile, I am learning how to submit to God and deny myself in response to His calling for me to serve Him and others faithfully.