A Dream Came True

Han Yufang (second from the left) and her classmates

　　Before entering the Hong Kong Baptist Theological Seminary (HKBTS), I had been serving as a pastor on the mainland for many years. Back then, the thought of leaving my congregation and my job to pursue academic interests seemed like a fantasy. However, it appears that God saw my plight, knew my helplessness and recognized my heart’s desire. One day, out of the blue, I was given a seat at an examination for study aboard. I prayed to God fiercely as I seized the opportunity. Owing to God’s providence, my dream finally came true despite the ups and downs of the process.

Loneliness and Companionship

　　Everything was alien to me during the first three months of enrollment. Faculty and fellow students were enthusiastic and kind, but the feeling of loneliness was still lodged deep in my heart. I often strolled around the campus by myself with only the moon as my companion as I poured out my heart to God in prayer. I was eager to acquire knowledge, but also aware of the fact that no knowledge can replace a genuine relationship between God and myself. For this reason, my prayers at that time were predominately asking God to keep my heart never straying away from Him, “for everything you do flows from it [my heart]” (Prv 4:23).

　　I was bone-dry after more than six years of serving in the church. My scarred heart left me disorientated in my faith and distrustful of others. Perhaps it is for this reason that God led me with his own hands to HKBTS to find healing, comfort and restoration. The environment in Hong Kong is comparatively free and relaxing. Interpersonal relationships at HKBTS are less complicated. It is in here that God opens my eyes to find many pastors and teachers who are true to the Christian faith. I realize that I am not alone on this journey of faith. At the same time, God also tells me that even if one cannot find any spiritual leader to learn from, one can still rediscover faith and regain strength in Him again and again, for the Christian faith always means having a personal relationship with God.

Exhaustion and Rest

　　Also, a question which had plagued me for a long time is now answered through the spiritual formation course. For many, being a full-time preacher is not only “wearying” but also “heart-rending.” I believe that even though serving God can be physically tiresome, our hearts should feel satisfied and joyful. However, in my previous ministerial experience, Sunday has always been the most dreadful and stressful day of the week (I got up and went to church at 5 am, served until 10 pm before I can return home; the whole seventeen hours of work made me physically and mentally exhausted). Not only that, the resulting vicious circle (my anxiety for Sunday also affected my sleep on Saturday night) also heightened the burden of my Sunday services. While understanding the wrongfulness of this situation, I merely blamed it on the mismanagement of the church, until the root of the problem became known to me.

　　One day, after attending the spiritual formation course, a question suddenly came to me from God: “There is no rest! Where is your God?” At that instance, I finally understood that heavenly rest can always be achieved, regardless of the times and circumstances. It is I who do not know how to enjoy heavenly rest before God. Although there are external factors which sometimes restrain us, our relationship with God can remain unaffected, and our inner life can still enjoy the rest provided by God without any external hindrance! At long last, I figured that out and slowly come to know how to be released! Thanks be to God.

Creation and Relationship

　　On the other hand, external circumstance does have a certain impact on people. I used to enjoy solitude and quietness, and once believed that it was a virtue to strive on my own and to treat others well, so I had not paid too much attention to other people’s private affairs. However, the fellowship of HKBTS advocates hospitality and caring for each other, which leaves me no choice but to break through this isolated state. I came to realize that caring does not necessarily mean being intrusive, but means to be concerned about others, extend greetings, and offer condolences. It also makes me understand that everybody yearns for and needs other people’s attention as well as encouragement. God’s creation of human beings was done in relationships and for us to live in relationships. Therefore, what God wants is not everyone to simply focus on their own lives, but to live in relationships with each other. We should give far more attention to interpersonal relationships, rather than to the results of any endeavor. God creates human beings and the world, establishes the church and Christian fellowship so that we can nurture each other’s lives in relationships and make them mature.

　　Thanks be to God. For the past two years, through HKBTS, God has consistently inspired me, fixed the blind spots in my life, shown me how to enjoy the heavenly rest in Him, and driven me to pay more attention to interpersonal relationships. My insomnia has gone since I returned to church ministry. Although the church management and my work schedule remain the same, my service now on each Sunday becomes an opportunity to experience the joy and fulfillment that comes from the heavenly rest, as well as an occasion to appreciate the divine gift of serving our Lord.