Setting Off Again from the First Station

Yiu-ming, Sze-yan and son Lik-yin

Part Rejoicing and Part Lamenting

　　Looking back over these three years of full-time seminary training, I see the experiences as both rejoicing and lamenting. Rejoicing because entering the seminary is due to God’s grace, it is my own response to God’s call, and it is also the starting point for embarking on a journey of full-time pastoral ministry. During my seminary studies, I always looked forward to entering the church ministry. Although there were times when I felt weak and worn out, God protected me and helped me remember that to serve God is what I have been longing for. However, I feel lamenting because I find that my time as a student is going by too quickly, making me feel like reading more and learning more while at the seminary.

　　Being full of joy and lament at the same time is strange because they are contradictory and yet complementary. This reminds me of my two-year-old son. While babysitting him at home and seeing him smiling and playing in his innocence, I have always felt joyful. Yet, when I am tired, I often feel sorry for my son because it is hard for me to balance my studies and my family life. However, every time my son spent the night at my in-laws, I would miss him very much. “Both joyful and sad” has been a feeling I have had throughout my seminary studies. I am quite certain that this is also the kind of situation that every seminary student is now facing. I wonder if there is a way to escape this feeling … My journey has not supplied me with a solution, but it has better enabled me to understand at least one thing. That the three-year seminary training has enabled me to come to the first outpost of my journey. On the path of seeking understanding through faith and engaging in theological reflection, we must always strive forward.

　　I went through an arduous journey during these last few years because a great amount of new, specialized knowledge kept needing to be learned and it felt like waves crashing over me. What is taught in the seminary is what the church seldom mentions, but it is very important. Theological knowledge is the basic material that helps us construct theological wisdom; it is the ABCs that are on our teachers’ lips. In the face of such a new, exotic world of theology, there is a pleasant surprise to be found in each section of the journey while there are sometimes detours too. The problem is to do with the time available. Time will not stand still and wait for us while class assignments pile up. Trying to absorb endless lessons without enough time to assimilate and integrate the materials sometimes left me feeling scared and sad.

There Must Be Supply Stations along the Way

　　In this seemingly contradictory learning process, I needed to select the appropriate materials and set limits for myself. Nevertheless, what is more important is that I gradually realized that to become theologically trained is not limited to three years but is instead a journey one has to go through one’s whole life. We need not expect ourselves to absorb all theological knowledge by the time of our graduation. If we look at these three years only, we are bound to go astray.

　　Of course, focusing on our long-term goals cannot change the present, but it can change the way we look at this new, exotic world, and help us put our burdens aside. I remember during my time at university, I once went on an exchange tour to Sweden. At that time a pastor drove us to a camp site in the south. It took more than four hours to drive to our destination. After driving for more than two hours, the pastor pulled into a gas station for refueling. He also showed us around the gas station. Actually, a gas station is an important place because in Europe it often takes more than several hours to drive from one place to another and many people need to refuel. Drivers can also buy something to eat because cooked food is sold in Swedish gas stations. Drivers there do not want to carry extra gas because it would add weight and reduce the car’s efficiency. Therefore, when they set off, they fill the tank according to its size.

　　Looking back, is it not also true that God fills my life with fuel when I need it? Prior to entering the seminary, God had already prepared everything for me according to His will. In my seminary study, didn’t God provide me with all that I needed and also constantly grant me strength? In the days to come, under the guidance of the Holy Spirit, I must simply strive towards the ultimate goal while continuing to learn and renew myself along the way. Even though I will feel weak occasionally, there will always be supply stations along the way.

Readjusting My Understanding of Faith and Responding to the Present Situation

　　This also reminds me of an experience when I was driving on Hong Kong Island. One time, I had to go from Shatin to Central and then to Sheung Wan. Because I was unfamiliar with the roads on Hong Kong Island, I had prepared the GPS in advance. However, the road situation in Central is very complicated. A driver needs to cut in the right lane well in advance so as to get to the right place. As a result, I kept missing the correct lane again and again. I circled my destination three times in vain. Although my GPS is greatly advanced, the difference between the map and the road, the change of route, and my own understanding all need to be constantly adjusted.

　　The journey of theological training is also like that. While our situation keeps changing, the actual environment and theological responses also keep being renewed; our understanding of the environment and situation also vary, making continued examination and modification indispensable. Truth is absolute but our understanding of truth is by no means absolute. I hope that, under the Holy Spirit’s guidance, my life continues to be renewed and my understanding of the Christian faith will be corrected so as to respond properly to the current situation, always following Jesus Christ. To put it simply, the maps for navigation need to be constantly renewed to make them work properly. It is only through constant reflection, correction, and practicing to live out our faith in real life that our faith can truly respond to our real situations. On this path, maybe I will experience worry, fear, and confusion. But I can see that the faith community is ready to co-walk with me. I do not need to face anything alone. Those fellow schoolmates who have studied with me and bonded with me for three years are to be co-walkers all my life on this journey of faith.

　　The three-year theological training has only led me to the journey’s first station and allowed me to experience the joy and lament on the way. A teacher has once raised a question, “After graduation, when asked about your experience in theological training, what will you expect to say? Only the hardship and difficulty, or full of joy in your seminary study?” As serving God full time is God’s call and it is also what I have been longed for, I pray that God will help me to set off again from this first station. I pray that in the new world and with a heart full of joy, I will set off to a new journey which is seeking understanding through faith and constantly renewing my Christian faith.