Have I Not Commanded You…

Good Friday: I Felt Indifference towards Jesus’ Death

　　While I was a student in Form 2, I was moved by the sacrificial love of God during an evangelistic meeting, leading me to accept Jesus as my saviour. However, my faith was not stable. In fact, I was often greatly disturbed by how weak my faith was and how easily it was shaken. After graduating from high school, I attended church infrequently and was, in many ways, walking away from God. Nevertheless, the love and grace of God was always with me. He listened to every cry when my soul called out. When I was lost, He continued to teach me and pull me towards Him without leaving or forsaking me.

　　Seven years ago, God brought me—the prodigal son who had led a wandering life for over ten years—back to the church. I began to attend Tai Po Baptist Church regularly. I enjoyed a new full life filled with Sunday Worship services, fellowship meetings, and my private devotionals which I now engage in regularly. I still remember the first fellowship meeting I attended which happened to take place during a Good Friday weekend. Throughout that meeting, while other members in the fellowship were meditating on Jesus’ crucifixion and the pain of death by crucifixion, I felt indifference towards Jesus’ death. It seemed as if Jesus’ death had nothing to do with me. But then, I prayed to God saying, “I know you died for me, but at this moment I cannot feel our bond. But, I have faith that You will help me grow and become a better follower—just as You led me back to church.” God really answered my prayer. He is continually showing me His love as He continues renewing my life.

“I Myself Cannot Carry Your Cross…”

　　After about half a year, I had a profound devotional experience. The scripture reading that day was: “If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me.” (Lk 9.23) After reading through the material in the devotional booklet, the Holy Spirit kept on encouraging me to pray about “taking up the cross daily” and what that meant. However, I wondered if I wanted to carry the cross at all. I did not want to be dishonest with God, so I confessed to Him my doubts. On the one hand, I was content with my spiritual life, but on the other hand, I was worried about my own inadequacy. Were these challenges too much for me? Would I end up walking away from the church again? Thankfully, the Holy Spirit kept urging me to persevere and trust in God. In prayer, I said to God, “I myself cannot carry your cross. If you really want me to do so, please help me!”

　　I was truly grateful to God because after saying this prayer, my life changed greatly. Although I felt inadequate in many ways, I was still willing to share the gospel with others and shoulder more ministerial responsibilities at church. On reflection, it is clear to me that God actually began to call me to serve Him full-time at the very moment I said that prayer because my life changed so dramatically immediately afterward.

　　During the following four years or more, God inspired me to serve and grow with a group of brothers and sisters in a youth fellowship by first being a committee member and later the chairman. Moreover, He inspired me to join the Evangelism Explosion III (EE III) team through which I experienced God’s great power and wonderful grace. I was led to participate in nurturing new believers which helped me to realize the importance of helping them grow spiritually. By acting as an usher, I learned to welcome and serve brothers and sisters who came to church to praise and worship the Lord together. Although these various ministry opportunities required much of my time, I was thankful to experience God’s presence and guidance. As a result, I grew through both the knowledge of God’s truth and through my ministry experiences.

　　Later, I was inspired by God to take on even more responsibilities in my church’s Department of Evangelism and in teaching the EE III course. However, this also troubled me. Wasn’t I already busy with the present ministries? Why did God rush me into doing more? Wasn’t I still young? But I quickly realized that this must be either because God was about to welcome me back to the heavenly home or because God would want me to do more. Thankfully, He was equipping me to be a preacher.

“What I have said, that will I bring about…”

　　Hoping to understand whether or not God would want to call me to be a preacher, I asked God during my private devotional. God answered me with this scripture: “I make known the end from the beginning, from ancient times, what is still to come. I say: My purpose will stand, and I will do all that I please. From the east I summon a bird of prey; from a far-off land, a man to fulfill my purpose. What I have said, that will I bring about; what I have planned, that will I do.” (Isa 46:10-11)

　　When Isaiah responded to God’s call, he said, “Here am I. Send me!” (Isa 6:8) Even though I had heard God call me, I still could not respond as the prophet had. I said this to God: “I cannot be sure of your calling from this scripture alone; I need to have the confirmation from a pastor who affirms that I am suitable.” Not long after that, during the month of EE III, a pastor said to me, “The Holy Spirit inspires me to tell you that you ought to be a preacher. Do think about it!” I was so astonished, but still uncertain. I spoke to God again saying, “I still need a few more brothers and sisters who can affirm that I am suitable to be a preacher; otherwise, I am still not sure about your call.” Almost immediately, various brothers and sisters proceeded to give me positive affirmation leading me to realize that I must accept the call.

“Have I not commanded you…”

　　How could these events happen coincidentally? Although my heart was trembling, I knew that God had called me. I then asked God for financial provision so that I could prepare to enter the seminary. But what I got was quite the opposite of what I had prayed for. The worry about myself and the financial needs of my family made me doubt about God’s call again; I felt unsettled and filled with uncertainty. I could not help wondering: “Did I get the message wrong?” However, God reassured me through my private devotionals, through sermon messages, and through different people and events that He had in fact really called me.

　　One morning when I was going to church, I said to God, “I know I have been a nuisance and that I have asked you for verification many times. Please answer me one last time, and I will be satisfied.” The scripture reading on that morning’s worship service was the first chapter of Joshua. As I read, “Have I not commanded you …” (Josh. 1:9), I could not help crying because God truly kept answering me. Even when I showed such little faith, He was patient. I began to realize why God used Isaiah 46:10-11 as the scripture to call me. He wanted me to know that the call was based on His own choice. It had nothing to do with what kind of person I had been. No matter how weak I was or how little faith I had, His faithfulness remained unchanged. As the scripture says, “What I have said, that will I bring about; what I have planned, that will I do.” (Isa 46:11b) Indeed, God’s calling is based on His grace. Although I had little faith, God still kept answering my prayers. From beginning to end, God’s love had never forsaken me.

Entering into the Seminary He Had Prepared for Me

　　God’s preparation for me was more than I could have ever expected. Due to my financial situation, I was still uncertain as to whether I should resign from my job and apply for seminary study 2013. I was also not sure how my parents would react to my decision if I resigned. However, God made use of an incident where, without any prior preparation, I shared my intention to study in the seminary with my mother who is also a Christian. As a result, I was released from worrying about my family’s financial situation. To my amazement, God had long ago given her the idea that her son would become a pastor and so, actually the financial needs had already been taken care of. When I shared this aspiration with my dad who is a non-Christian, he quickly understood and accepted my choice without any objection. Not only did the positive reaction from my parents help relieve my mental burden, but this also served as another confirmation from God.

　　I planned to send an application to a number of seminaries, however, after joining HKBTS’s “Experiencing Seminary Life Camp,” I was impressed by the faculty-and-student relationships and the academic atmosphere. I also agreed with the Seminary’s idea that teachers and students are in fact a community of learners. After prayer, I felt peace inside and decided to only apply to HKBTS. I thanked God that He opened the door for me to study in HKBTS and led me to walk on the path that He had prepared for me.

Responding to God’s Inexplicable Love

　　Now, as I once again reflect on the process of God’s call, God reminds me to be faithful to what He has entrusted to me by means of “The Parable of the Talents” (Matt. 25:14-30). I believe that God calls individual Christians in different ways. Despite the fact that the gifts or talents God assigns to men are different; whether one is a lay person or a preacher, God similarly asks that we ought to be faithful and to fulfil what has been entrusted to us. In turn, He will likewise praise His faithful servants. I was once a prodigal son running away from home, but I am now determined to consecrate myself to serve God full-time and to walk on the path to become a preacher. I do not do it for God’s special praise alone, but also as a response to God’s great love. God’s love is the kind of love that is willing to make sacrifices and is unexplainable. Having lived as a prodigal son for more than ten years, I have experienced how great God’s love is, and I understand that I can take comfort in living under God’s grace and mercy. I do not boast about myself or my service to Him, but I am simply thankful that I was given the strength to answer God’s call.

　　For God is love; He loves me, an unworthy sinner. I am truly thankful to Him!

(Translated into English by Barney Tse)
Scripture quotations are taken from NIV Bible