A Lingering Spiritual Urge

A Narrow Escape at Alice Springs

　　Having come to Christ 20 years ago, I have always been an active ministering Christian. Perhaps, when people saw me actively committing myself to evangelistic ministries, they could not help asking me if I would consider being a minister. Without exception, I resolutely replied, “No!” I had never felt any call from God. Moreover, I single-heartedly wanted to be a “super woman,” thinking that if I resolved to excel in my profession and agreed to serve God faithfully in my church ministry after office hours, that would certainly be good enough. Therefore, I had never seriously thought of becoming a minister until I experienced “the miracle” and I clearly heard God’s call for the first time.

　　“The miracle” refers to my experience of being involved in a serious car accident in which I narrowly escaped death. The accident took place on March 6, 2009 at around 3 pm in the Australian desert area in the vicinity of Alice Springs. I was driving a married couple on a sightseeing tour. This trip was the final leg of my ten-month work-and-driving-tour of Australia. I never dreamed that the car would suddenly go out of control on the highway, slide forward at a high speed in a zig zag pattern, then make three complete somersaults and finally settle in an upside down position. After the accident, I managed to crawl out of the car through a broken window only to see that the car roof and its body had broken apart so that the car installations and all our luggage had been thrown twenty to thirty meters off.

　　“Are you still here?” I yelled in disconcertment, fully aware that this was likely to be a fatal car accident! Praise the Lord that soon the married couple came crawling out of the car and to my relief, I realized all three of us had survived the accident. Before we could recover from the trauma, we noticed that the left side of my body from head to foot was covered with blood! I felt a severe pain in my head and could not stand up. So I simply picked up a scrape of clothing nearby to bandage my wounds to try to stop the bleeding. We all wanted to cry for help but no one was in sight and we had no means of communication.

　　Just then, two vehicles passed by, one after another and both stopped. The first vehicle was carrying a group of tourists. A German doctor in the group immediately came to my rescue. The second was an empty bus and the driver immediately agreed to take the German doctor and me to the nearest medical emergency station. The couple left alone at the scene later told me that no other vehicles passed by for two to three hours. I then thanked God for allowing those two vehicles to come by; otherwise, I would certainly have bled to death. It was hard to believe it took us an hour to reach nearest medical emergency station. On the way, the German doctor made sure that I did not bleed to death and that I stayed awake so I would not lapse into a coma. Since I suffered from anemia, it would not be easy to stop my bleeding. At last, we arrived at the medical emergency station. Unfortunately, the station was poorly equipped with only one nurse on duty. After determining the condition of my wounds, the German doctor made an emergency call to the flying medical service corps. Finally at 11:00 pm that night, I was taken to the emergency room of the nearest municipal hospital. Thank God that even though I had lost a great deal of blood and was exhausted, I managed to stay awake until I was admitted to the hospital.

I Realized That Death Had Just Knocked at My Door

　　At 2 am, I was transferred from the emergency room to the intensive care unit. I was given an oxygen mask and a cervical collar, and my chest and limbs were connected by jet tubes to emergency equipment. My hemorrhage continued and my lungs were blocked, causing my breathing to be shallow and weak. However, the doctors were delighted to discover that despite my severe wounds, not a single bone had been fractured. That was certainly a miracle! As a matter of fact, the tissue around my cervical vertebra had been broken and it was clear that if the force of the collision had been greater, I would have died instantly or else ended up completely paralyzed. I realized that death had just knocked at my door. I understood as never before how little control we have over life or death. Since that day, everyday when I wake up and can still breathe, I give thanks to God. From the moment of the car’s collision to my admission into the hospital, I was spaced out and the only memory that flashed in my mind was what people in my Chaozhou hometown used to say, “May the Lord grant peace!” I thanked God with all my heart for giving me peace. Although alone at that time, I was being kept alive, and I was convinced that the Lord would protect me and bring me safely back to Hong Kong.

　　Four days later I was transferred to a general ward and the doctor told me that after my discharge from hospital, I needed to go back for follow-up treatment. He asked me where I lived. I had no idea except to say I was from Hong Kong. I had never been so unclear about the road ahead. By that time, the doctor had decided I could stay in hospital until I recovered. However, God had another plan for me. He had arranged for a Christian couple, Kerry and Michael, to help me. This couple had once worked in the hospital and still lived nearby. I learned that on the day of the accident, they had driven past the wrecked car and had helped my two friends who had been left behind. Later they made a special visit to the hospital to see me. Seeing my dilemma, they agreed that I should stay with them the following three weeks. During that time, they took very good care of me. I was naturally touched by their unconditional love and patient care. Obviously, only God’s love could have motivated them to take such good care of me, a total stranger. They were my two Good Samaritans.

I Nodded My Head While I Said “YES!”

　　On Sunday, March 22, Michael and Kerry took me to their church. It was by all appearances a very ordinary Sunday worship service, yet the lyrics of one of their hymns spoke to me. The words were taken from Isaiah 6:8: “Then I heard the voice of the Lord saying, ‘Whom shall I send? And who will go for us?’ And I found myself saying, ‘Here am I. Send me!’” The lyrics of that song touched my heart leading me to shed tears of gratitude for God’s great love to me for saving my life and making me whole. Suddenly, the pastor extended a call to consecration, “Are you willing to be the Lord’s servant to be of use to Him all your life? If you are willing, please come down to the front so that I can pray with you.” Right at that moment, I felt a strong impulse to go forward as tears rolled down my cheeks.

　　At that time, Kerry who was sitting at a short distance from me came to my side and surprised me by telling me, “I have heard God’s voice, telling me to come and ask you if you want to go down to the front. I will go with you.” What a shock this was! I nodded and said “YES!” I walked down to the front and made a commitment. This was the first time I had clearly heard God’s call. After I returned to Hong Kong, this experience remained deeply engraved on my heart. I continued to pray silently about the remarkable incident. And yet, I still felt conflict in my heart.

Facing the Lingering Spiritual Urge

　　On November 28 of that same year, I joined HKBTS’s Talk on Full Time Ministry. I prayed the following prayer: “Dear God, if ever you want me to study in seminary, let your Spirit move me in this meeting.” Upon leaving the Seminary that evening, I was thrilled not to feel any special spiritual urge. Walking out of the main gate, I told God, “Oh Lord, since you have not moved my heart, off I go. I am free. Goodbye!”

　　It soon became apparent that God would not allow me to dodge His call. On February 13, 2011, during a Spring Festival spiritual revival meeting at my church, my heart was once again stirred when my pastor spoke. Earlier I had used “not feeling moved” as an excuse to run away from God, but this time the church’s pastor made a clear consecration call: “Are you looking for God’s call in your life? If at this moment I tell you to enter a seminary to study and equip yourself to be a minister, do you think that it is God’s call to you through me? If you have this urge but it does not last long, then you can put this idea out of your mind completely. Yet, if the urge lingers for quite a long while, then you ought to face it squarely and openly.” This time, I completely accepted God’s second call. I thanked God for His grace and love as well as for His affirmation although my faith was still weak.

　　Then on April 24 after the Easter Service, I sat all by myself in the sanctuary, facing the cross and asked God to speak to me as I poured out my soul to Him. I randomly flipped open the Bible and saw that it was the book of Jonah. Reading through the whole book, I found myself, like Jonah, trying to run away from God. Remembering that Jonah was angry with God, I reminded myself that I needed to learn to be more humble. I then understood profoundly the words of Job 1:21: “Naked I came from my mother’s womb, and naked I will depart. The Lord gave and the Lord has taken away; may the name of the Lord be praised.” I also recalled the first English scripture passage I committed to memory on my Australia tour. It was taken from Philippians 4:11-13, “I am not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do everything through him who gives me strength.”

Father’s Attitude Had Unexpectedly and Suddenly Changed

　　It was true that I had little faith. Even when God spoke to me a few times, I still asked for one more verification: my father’s support. In fact, my father was a Christian and had never interfered with my ministry. A few years before, he had pointed out that it was one thing to have a burning desire to serve God through Christian ministries, but it was altogether a different matter to become a full-time minister. He added that my mother who was in heaven had agreed with his view. His remark made me feel a lot of pressure and made me hesitate about applying for seminary study. In mid May when I hinted about studying in seminary to be a minister, my father gave me no further feedback. He only asked me to think about it again. Toward the end of May, my father gave me a clear-cut answer and chose to take a hard and negative stance. He considered that my present focus should be “looking for a life-long partner” and said I had to find one at once. Suddenly I was at a loss as to what I should do and even doubted that it was the right time for me to apply for seminary study. My only way out was to plead with God to open the way for me!

　　On June 6, the time of the Dragon Boat Festival, my father once again brought up the matter of my applying for seminary study. He said he had asked the opinion of his elder sister and elder brother in his hometown, and they both supported my decision. He then went on to say that he recalled how my grandmother asked the Lord to bless me before she went to rest in God’s presence. Therefore, he would no longer object my request. To my great delight, my father’s attitude had unexpectedly and suddenly changed! I had to thank God for exercising His power once again and bestowing upon me His gracious blessing.

　　Whenever I look at the indelible scar left by my accident, I cannot help but recount God’s blessings when He rescued me from that near fatal car accident! I am now willing to learn to be more humble. I ask Him to teach me to let go of my ego so that I can courageously respond to His call with all my heart and soul. Moreover, I pray that my soul can be set free so that I can freely serve the Lord and be His servant submitting myself to His will. I draw strength from Romans 12:2 which commands us: “Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is – his good, pleasing and perfect will.” Amen!