It’s Time to Move On

　　Ever since I went to church during my junior secondary school years and came to Christ, I had begun to grow in my church. Thank God that he has continued to give me opportunities to discipline my spiritual life and to participate in ministry. This helps me understand that to commit myself to serve God is to be humble and obedient and to proceed without hesitation, so as to be useful to God.

From “Being Able to Study” to “Being Burdened”

　　When I matriculated, I was not qualified to enter university. At that time the Institute of Education approved my admission, yet because my father’s small-sized factory had a deadline to complete a job order, I was late in registering at the Institute of Education. Even though it was just a few minutes late, the staff in the enquiry counter refused to accept my application and so I missed the admission opportunity. After that, I, together with my younger brother and sister who were still in school and my younger sister was studying in primary school, helped my father run the factory. One evening I stood alone on my building’s rooftop when a thought came to me: If I wanted to receive education, I could enter a seminary and “be able to study” and at the same time receive a tertiary education. But just then another thought came to me: It was wrong to enter a seminary just “to be able to study.” I needed to decide if I was willing to consecrate my life to God. Therefore, I soon dropped the idea of studying in a seminary and I did not seek advice from any church minister. Until 1990, I went to study in a nursing school and continued to work as a nurse after graduation, providing care for the mentally ill patients.

　　During those years, God allowed me to become involved in various church ministries and to experience God more fully so that I gradually began to consider serving God full time. In 2000, the urge to serve God became more intense. I felt a strong call to consecrate myself to full time ministry. One day, I shared with my wife, Lai-chun, that I had the burden of consecrating my life to God and felt the need to receive seminary training. However, Lai-chun thought that serving God did not require seminary study. She felt one could continue working in a secular job while serving God. She argued that so long as one remained a good witness of Christ in life, one could glorify God. She also mentioned that she was planning to release herself from her heavy workload and devote herself to being a full time housewife. Although she never resigned from her job, I understood what her thoughts and worries were, which were complicated by the fact that I was not too sure about God’s call. That is why I put the matter temporarily aside.

　　After several years, my commitment to serve God full time had not diminished and I continued to have a burden for evangelism. Besides my church ministry, I joined a number of evangelistic ministries in my work place. I thank God for leading me to work in a hospital ward for the mentally ill. I took time to talk with patients about the Christian faith. If they showed a keen interest, I would always refer them to the hospital chaplain for follow-up in helping them understand the Gospel. Sometimes the chaplain would say to me: a so-and-so patient or the patient’s family whom I had referred to him had prayed the prayer of confession and had received Christ as Lord. I really thanked God for this! Of course, not every patient or their families wanted to know more about the Christian faith. I could only sow the seeds of faith. Meanwhile, my yearning for my own family to know Christ intensified, causing me not only to pray fervently for them but also to share my Christian faith with them.

Why did such a thing happen?

In the Consecration Meeting in my church’s summer camp in 2006, upon the pastor’s call I stood up at my seat to show my commitment to be God’s servant for the rest of my life. Afterwards, my wife, Lai-chun, said she was a bit surprised since I had not mentioned this possibility beforehand and since I had never shown any sign that I would do so. Thank God that after a time of prayer, we were of one heart, and I was ready to enter seminary to equip myself for ministerial training in September of the following year.

　　It was mid-January 2007 when I was preparing to fill in the application form to study in Hong Kong Baptist Theological Seminary and was about to write my testimonies of becoming a Christian and receiving God’s call to ministry respectively. My wife suddenly took ill with serious stomach pain. This thwarted the plan and changed our daily routine. Originally, we regarded it as a small matter, but after going to the family doctor several times, things still did not improve. An endoscopy was arranged immediately after the Lunar New Year holiday. Lai-chun had always been physically all right, and I thought she must have got some general stomach ache or gastrointestinal disease. After the preliminary gastroscopy, she was diagnosed to have gastric cancer and the situation was fairly critical. Another doctor who did a cross-examination advised my wife to go for an immediate operation and warned that there might be a series of chemotherapy treatment afterward.

　　There was an intense inner warfare going on within me and I could not help questioning God again and again: “Oh God, I am still willing to consecrate myself to you, but why have you allowed such a thing to happen?” Although my wife was admitted into the hospital for further examination at the end of February, she was concerned about my seminary application. I could not reveal my inner frustration and struggles to her and so I said I would delay the application until her medical report came back.

As a Husband, I Was Heavy-Hearted

　　On March 5, Lai-chun was taken into the operation theatre to have her entire stomach removed. However, the following chemical examination showed that the condition was not optimistic as traces of the cancer cells had spread and shifted. What an unthinkable and unacceptable fact! Our entire family could only learn to lean on our Heavenly Father and seek a path of healing. My wife time and again reminded me to hurry up to submit my application soon after her operation and during the process of healing, she encouraged me to hold on. As a husband I was heavy-hearted with much inner confusion and struggles. I could only say this to her: I was thinking how to write the two required testimonies but often found it hard to put my thoughts into words. Throughout this period, I kept praying to God and asking for him to heal Lai-chun as a testimony of his great power. I was truly willing to accompany my wife to go through these stormy days and yet deep inside my heart, I had many, many “whys.” I asked God “why” innumerable times but had got no direct response or clear answer from him.

　　Even if the road was rough, many, many angels came to our sides to pray for our family, especially to pray for my wife’s medical condition. They painstakingly cared for our family life and accompanied Lai-chun in and out of the hospital for her treatment. One sister in Christ even resigned from her job to come to us and offered to take care of Lai-chun’s and our family’s needs. There were also other brothers and sisters who went through the trouble of taking turns to help us. They said to us that to take care of our family was to serve God.

Release the Long-Pressed, Heavy Burden

　　The home visit from the church pastor and his wife toward the end of April helped me feel released from the struggle over my seminary application. As they shared this scripture: “If anyone does not know how to manage his own family, how can he take care of God’s church?” (1 Timothy 3:5), they helped me see through this scripture verse that at that moment I should fully concentrate on taking care of my wife and family needs. They said, “God has his time and arrangement and knows when you should equip yourself.” In this way, the heavy burden that had pressed on my heart for so long was released.

　　What is most unbearable in this world is the departure of someone we love. Sorrow and sadness are unavoidable. My wife left us on October 17, 2007 to be with the Lord. On earth today, only my son and I walk together shoulder to shoulder along life’s road. But God has never forsaken us as he has still continued to send his agents to help my family, making sure that my son and I can walk through that difficult period of time.

　　O Lord, we have really received so much of your grace, and we do not deserve such grace. After my wife’s departure, God has protected and sustained me through prayers, Bible study and reading books on grief. I have experienced God’s healing through my grief and his renewal of my life. My consecration to God has never been cooled down, despite losing my wife.

It’s Time to Move on

　　Throughout the year 2008 owing to the care, comfort and advice from my church pastor, I was not anxious to apply to study in the seminary. I took time to reorganize myself and to take care of my family first, trusting that God has his right time and plan. That year I continued working in the hospital and God’s call still lingered my mind. At the same time, I still worried about the necessities of life, reckoning how much saving I had and considering my son’s educational needs. Through it all, my pastor and brothers and sisters continued to care for me and my son and kept praying for us. God helped us walk through the deep valley, step by step, and blessed my work in the hospital. I experienced the way he answered my prayers. For example, I had not prepared to apply for promotion but was promoted to a new post in November that year.

　　Up until 2009, I experienced an ever increasing urge within. God’s true promise compelled me to let go of human reckoning, let go of my new job and resolutely respond to God’s call and apply to study in the seminary. I shared this again with my pastor and his wife. I also shared it with my son, seeking to understand how he felt. My son took the Hong Kong Certificate of Education Examination for high school students. Although he had not yet received the results, I deeply believe that God would pave the way for him. After my sharing, he showed a positive response and asked me in return: “Shouldn’t you make up your mind for what you have decided?” Thank God that my son had grown up and matured. He was willing to be a Christian young man after God’s heart! Although I “have not passed this way before” (Joshua 3:4), I knew it was time to move on. I also know that I ought to be strong and of good courage, “for the LORD your God is with you wherever you go” (Joshua 1:9).

Ministering to Those in Deep Valley

　　Thank God that I can work in the hospital and serve those mentally ill patients so that I understand now a chaplain cares for patients’ needs of the hearts and souls. I understand that brothers and sisters in the church who have suffered similarly from emotional disturbance and mental oppression will need a pastor or minister with professional knowledge to care for them, one who understands their physical, mental and spiritual pulse. In this regard, I am willing to be of use to God, and I am willing to care for them, helping those who are in deep valleys to experience how God wants to work with them.

　　Finally, I pray that God will give me strength and commitment to live out the Great Commandment, not to forget what is said in 2 Corinthians 1:4: “Our God of all comfort who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we have received from God.” Thank God! Amen!