The Notebook
Au Chun-yan
(Graduate of B.A.P.S. Program)
That day … when she was in grade three, God decided to call her for the first time.
As He had expected, she responded to His call. Young and innocent as she was, knowing nothing about the meaning of responding to God’s call, naturally failed to follow up. Only He made a note in her notebook. … He continued to follow it up with her.
When she was in grade eight, he flipped open her notebook as usual and that page was moistened with tears. Staring at this rebellious daughter who made everybody heave a deep sigh, He decided to take up His pen … and jotted down –– His call for her for the second time.
Her life had changed since then. Amidst his overwhelming, passionate love for her, she responded once again, willing to “present her body as a living sacrifice.” (Romans 12:1). This time, she knew the road to take after her studies.
“Offer up to God the best you have, offer your youthful vigor…,” this song accompanies her all the way forward.
“Will God call someone so young and inexperienced to study in the seminary?” Just barely finishing her matriculation study, she understood that it was hard for her rational mind to accept the calling of God. Yet, God once again turned open her notebook and wrote on it, “Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified…” (Josh 1:9).
The day she set foot on the Seminary, the pages of her notebook were turned over to a brand new leaf, a splendid eye-catching page.
Throughout these few years, as the youngest, most inexperienced student of the school, God opened up to her one door after another, allowing her to walk safely inside, and she tried hard to learn whatever she could. In her notebook, God wrote down a full range of training items … He wanted to train her and resolved to give her the patience needed during her training.As penniless as she was, she had never failed to pay the school fee every year of her study as the little angels from her church and the Seminary had never disappeared from the pages in her notebook. Being accustomed to being independent and rational in her thinking, she shed tears for the first time because she appreciated the beauty of the accompaniment of her fellow schoolmates as they watched over her. Her God-loving, devout parents have given her full support for her living and mental strength, enabling her to involve herself in campus activities (from the worshipping team, musical instrument class, the Hill Singer Choir to being the leader of the Spiritual Devotion Department of the Student Union) with strength and vigor. Many times she took more credit hours than an average student. She thought that she could hardly keep up with the study schedule and might fail the test of her training. And yet, the power of God brought her back to life.
Many a time when she had to stay up late to study for the lessons and tests, it was God who accompanied this physically weak young girl until dawn. Many a time when being hard pressed by course assignments, hectic schedules of school activities, the stress from imminent “deadlines,” God sent one kind teacher after another to help remove the burden from her shoulder. During her days as the head of the Student Union’s Spiritual Devotion Department, HKBTS had to go through a hard time. Trembling as she was, God took her on his wings and flew over troubled waters. Many a time in church practicum when she was confronted with situations she had never met before, she could only hold tightly on to God’s hand. That enabled her to hurdle over those big, difficult challenges time and time again. Then, in many an evening when she was struggling with life’s problems, she felt her strength did not match her ambitions. Thus she broke down in tears, screaming out loudly, casting doubt on herself, on God’s call and even on God. Yet it was still God who held and stored up her tears in his hand and repeatedly insisted that his love and call to her had never changed. “You are my servant; I have chosen you and have not rejected you …” (Isaiah 41:9).
“It is true that you have no experience at all, if everything counts on you, we will all be in a cold sweat! It does not matter that you do not have any experience, it is because I have. I have the experience of choosing my servants, and I have chosen –– you. Do you trust in my experience in choosing my servants? … As I have no fear in using you for my kingdom, what fear do you have?”
“Who says I cannot raise someone young and inexperienced to glorify me for my kingdom?”
“If ever I want to make use of your limitation to manifest my power, are you willing to be used in this way?”
Who says one does not have to pay any price in walking on the road of faith and ministry? He says to me, “Take up the cross and follow me.”
Then I came to know this: I can be of use to God in his kingdom and so God has trained me this way. Although I am not of much use, the greatest use I have in all my life is this: to be chosen by God! To be chosen when I am still young and to be of use to God all my life is an inexhaustible honor and a blessing for a lifetime.
In her notebook, walking along the road of seminary study has been full of excitement and full of pleasant surprises too. In it are written the life examples of teachers and schoolmates who accompany her and keep their watch over one another. The precious courses are seemingly tailor-made for her. She has truly appreciated all the sweet memories at the Seminary.
With great reluctance she bids farewell to the Seminary, but God who has written on the pages in her notebook has given her courage to move on. Such courage is not hers but comes from the faithfulness of her God. In the days and years gone by, it has been God who has been leading her. He has been behind memorable traces of spiritual combats that took place both in His created world and before the watching world. In the days to come, He who is majestic and awe-inspiring is still the only one of whom she boasts.
And now, those kneeling down before his throne are student from the graduating class. They are to be commissioned to take up different positions in combat and to reap the rich harvest. There will certainly be a purpose for Him to nurture them and in His kingdom there will certainly be a position for them to take up. Having been trained up to this day, all of them have awaited today’s arrival. And for her, she is ready to take orders from God.
Today, He himself will stamp his name onto her notebook to testify that He has chosen her. What He has been doing in her life and the honor that He will get from her, He will continue to await until fulfillment. It is He who keeps single-handedly shouldering the responsibility and insists on calling her. “For God’s gifts and His call are irrevocable.” (Romans 11:29) His insistence will always bring about surprises. In her notebook, He continues to write ….