God’s Wondrous and Abundant Love Befalls Me

1. Background of My Faith and Growth

　　In my primary school days, my teacher took me to Tai Kok Tsui Baptist Church. I continued going because the church people were so friendly. Owing to my mother’s opposition, my church life was unstable and later came to a halt. I became a Christian during my secondary school days. In 1982, I encountered emotional problems and was unable to trust anyone. In this crisis, remembering that God’s love never changes, I longed to return to God, yet feared my mother’s intervention. Silently I prayed, asking God to help me find a way back and make this promise: “If you lead me back to church, then I will gladly serve you there.”

　　After praying for half a year, I finally plucked up the courage to go back to Tai Kok Tsui Baptist Church, determined never to leave my spiritual home. I always thank God that I could grow up in a nurturing church. The following year, I began to take up various responsibilities in the Christian Fellowship and even today continue to minister in the Fellowship. Not surprisingly, my mother strongly opposed my going back to church. She continually scolded me and refused to care for me. I began to turn to my Heavenly Father, allowing Him to comfort my sad heart and empower me. In 1987, I was baptized and spent four years in discipleship training. In 1994, I was appointed as an advisor and group leader. Five years later I was ordained as a deacon and I began helping the pastoral staff provide care to fellow church members.

　　After graduation, I began working in a bank, based in Mainland China. Five years later, I was promoted to the management level. In 1997, I was further promoted to the highest management rank. Before I entered the commercial field, I had made a firm commitment to stand up for my faith. I thanked God that despite my growing responsibilities, I could witness for God in my post. I was able to set up a cell group and to invite staff colleagues to a luncheon gospel meeting. I liked my work and enjoyed having a marketplace mission as my deepest life goal.

2. My Experience of Being Called by God

A. The Desire to be Renewed

　　Soon after my promotion in 1997, I came to a milestone in my Christian commitment. During a worship service that year, I was deeply moved by the Holy Spirit to come forward to re-commit myself to serving God, asking God to revitalize the church and me. Meanwhile I had fallen in love with Brother Shui-man, and in 2000 we were married against my mother’s will. This marriage was yet another big decision in my life, a crucial decision to follow God’s will even if it meant forsaking my own family. To my delight, my husband fully supported my Christian ministry. Strengthened by his encouragement, I became even more vibrant and cheerful, able to experience God’s incomparable love and eager to be used fully by God. Towards the end of 2001, while attending the “God’s Grace to All Nations” meeting, I was profoundly touched when we sang “Do Something New in My Life.” After I returned home, the song continued to ring in my heart, calling me to be renewed by God and to deepen my commitment to Him.

　　That year I joined the “Experiencing God” Discipleship Training Program in my church. This program helped me re-establish the most important thing in my life – my relationship with God. In the years that followed, God began to set me free from all my bondages. I was no longer entangled in my relationship with my mother. I could overcome the need for my mother’s approval. Instead, I learned to treasure God and follow Him, letting go of everything that had held me back from following Him. I must thank God that He has untied the knot deep inside my heart and set my soul free!

　　Since untying this knot, God continues to help me manage my life properly. He has allowed me to see my sins and the dark side of my heart filled with pride, lack of faith, self-centeredness and willfulness. I continue to humble myself before God, asking Him to cleanse me and govern my life.

B. The Tension at Work and the Continual Summons of the Soul

　　It was also in 2001 that my bank underwent a major re-organization. As a result, I was assigned a new post putting me in charge of more than four hundred people and requiring that I worked from morning till night for long periods of time without a break. I found myself becoming physically and mentally exhausted as I was pulled apart by the growing tension between my work and my ministry. I wished to devote more time to ministry and to care more for my colleagues and Christian brothers and sisters. However, I would always need to finish my arduous work first. Even though I tried hard to commit myself to my work, I found my life becoming increasingly meaningless. I always felt tensed up and worn out. I cried before God, asking for His guidance.

　　In the following year I attended a retreat camp organized by my church. While reading the scripture for meditation, I heard God saying to me: “You are like the rich young man who comes to Jesus. He seems to be fine in every way but lacks one important thing. Jesus looks at him and loves him.” I became aware that the Lord was speaking to me when he said, “One thing you lack . . . then come, follow me.” (Mk 10:21) At that moment, I knew the Lord Jesus also loved me and was looking at me, summoning me to leave everything to follow Him. Wasn’t it true that there were things I had not yet forsaken? Yes, certainly. Although I was still reluctant to give up my job, I considered the matter in my heart and kept praying to God. Soon after that, when I attended a meeting on missions and a commissioning ceremony, my heart was again deeply stirred.

　　In 2003, when I again set up a Christian cell group at my workplace, I felt I had given it my best. However, deep in my heart my emotions kept stirring. In retrospect, there had long been a feeling of unrest and dissatisfaction. God’s love had kept urging me to experience Him more and serve Him more completely. The idea of quitting my job and serving God full time kept emerging in my heart. In fact, throughout this period of endless inner struggles, God had been using a number of experiences like the facets of a diamond to deliver one simple message: “Offer your best to me. Don’t be afraid. Experience my resourcefulness and abundance.”

C. Asking for Verification in the Process of Struggles

　　All along God had been blessing my work. I was worried that if I let go of more than twenty years of banking experience and my long relationships with my colleagues, it would be a great waste. Was I just trying to escape from my arduous job by seeking an asylum? Thank God that a book I was reading provided a clear answer to my question: “To come to a halt does not mean to come to an end. It is merely a new beginning.” Certainly, as long as I follow God’s plan, He will reveal His vast wonders. God has great blessings in store for me. I am also convinced that my experience in the marketplace will never be wasted, since He will certainly use it. According to His good will, nothing is ever wasted. God is my only true Lord and boss. Knowing the Heavenly Father sees what is good for us, I should do what I am told. All I need to do is to obey my Lord.

　　Several times I had mentioned to my husband the idea of entering a seminary as a full time student. Each time he would remind me that I must not be impulsive. I knew I should not use the seminary as an asylum from my demanding job but needed to receive a clear calling from God. In 2004, the thought of entering a seminary for full time study intensified. Once while praying with my pastor, I responded to God: “Lord, if it is your will, I am willing to respond.” After that prayer, I experienced a new feeling of peace and rest. On my way home, I continued to feel peace and lightheartedness. I felt insignificant and yet knew that God loved me so much that He had allowed me to be His servant. How glorious I was! When I met with my pastor, he encouraged me to share this with my husband. I then began to pray to God that He would begin to work in my husband’s heart. Being a woman of little faith and great timidity, I asked God for explicit verification. Since being God’s servant is a life-long commitment, I did not want to have regrets later. Neither did I want to put God’s name to shame. Therefore I needed to be absolutely sure of God’s calling before resolving to commit myself to stepping onto the road of full time Christian ministry.

D. God’s Unlimited Mercy: Repeated Verification

　　One evening in November, I gained the courage to share my restless thoughts with my husband Shui-man. As we were praying together, I heard him pray for the first time: “Oh God, if it is your will that Kit-ying should serve you full time, I pray that you give her peace in her heart!” I could not control my tears, knowing that God has caused Shui-man to be willing to walk with me along with the same heart on the road ahead. In the middle of that month, we joined a camp for married couples. There I reaffirmed the importance of our marriage union and our mutual commitment through lives. I had given my husband the highest priority which I had previously given my mother to take control of my life. Thank God my husband is a dedicated Christian. Together, we made an oath to serve God together with one heart. A week later, God brought me face to face with another important decision which would affect my future.

　　Toward the end of November, my supervisor proposed sending me abroad for further studies. Past experience told me that such training would require that I sign an agreement to work for the company for several years after completing the training. Realizing this, I was extremely unsettled. During this crisis, I was especially impressed with Shui-man’s strong reaction to the proposal. He immediately rejected it, reminding me that I had promised God to do seminary study. If I accepted the offer, I would no longer be responding wholeheartedly to God’s call. As I needed to reply the next day, I resorted to fasting and praying without ceasing throughout the night. As I wrestled with the decision, God gave me the following scripture: “What good will it be for a man if he gains the whole world, yet forfeits his soul? Or what can a man give in exchange for his soul?” (Mt 16:26) God led me to remember that everything in this world is transient and fleeting while God’s kingdom is everlasting. To do further studies overseas with an assured promotion was certainly enticing, but did it match the highest goal for my life? Was it not true that by accepting this opportunity, I would defer responding to God’s calling until my retirement? In fact, how could I be sure that I would still have the opportunity then? All along, God’s prompting had been explicit, telling me that going overseas should not be seen as a promotion opportunity but rather as a temptation to put God second. I realized that what people in the secular world would regard as a “better” opportunity was clearly not part of God’s ultimate preparation for me. Later, when I shared this opportunity with a friend in the States, she strongly advised me not to give in to this temptation. After we prayed together, I decided to reject the offer and to wait for an even better proposal from God. At that moment I was overwhelmed by a sense of God’s peace and ease. Upon hearing my decision, my husband agreed with me that I had chosen the right path.

E. Submitting Myself to God’s Selection

　　After I was willing to submit myself to God and take the first step forward, God generously revealed to me the next step I should take. A week after making my decision, I just happened to read HKBTS’s Chinese Newsletter. One page particularly captured my attention, the page announcing the “Student Recruitment Talk for the Academic Year 2005-2006 at HKBTS” being held the following Saturday. The theme of the talk was “Running the Race for God.” I found these words extremely jolting and explicit, leaving me no excuse at all. I felt that God had given me one more strong indication that He was planning to guide me and equip me on the road to full time ministry. What was I waiting for? That Saturday, Shui-man and I attended the Recruitment Talk. During the talk, Dr. Kevin Mok pointed out that what a servant of God needed most was a heart of compassion. His words reminded me that I had a strong concern for people and a burning desire to help them discover God’s transforming love. In the worship and praise session, I once again offered my life to God. With tears streaming down my cheek, I sang: “Oh God, I whole-heartedly surrendered to you, with no fear of walking the narrow road ahead as I consecrate all to you. Take pity on me. Here and now I pray that You will use me. And I will always seek the guidance of the Holy Spirit.”

　　This year is the thirtieth year since I came to Christ. To be able to offer myself up as a living sacrifice, to be equipped to be a minister of God, and to take part in expanding the kingdom of God – these are the things I never dreamed of and blessings I could never deserve. May all the glory and praise be given to our Redeemer!