My Vocational Journey

Pakey and her mother

　　As my graduation date approaches, I look back on my time at the seminary with gratitude and awe for God’s guidance and grace. From the day I decided to embark on the path of theological training to my new phase of pastoral ministry, it is clear that the hand of God, the Great Shepherd, has faithfully guided me on this journey. Whether I longed to know Him, sought to understand His will, or faced challenges and struggles, He always provided timely feedback, ensuring that I lacked nothing.

Setting Out: From Struggle to Passion for Missions

　　For me, God’s vocational calling is a journey of faith where His abundant love and guidance has become increasingly evident along the way. In 2018, I joined my church’s ministry team, coinciding with my career change and the dynamic transformation of Hong Kong society. These challenges left me feeling spiritually weak and made me realize my inadequate understanding of faith. Longing to know God more deeply, I enrolled in an evening program at the Lay Theological Education Department of the Hong Kong Baptist Theological Seminary, hoping to discern His will for life.

　　Through my studies, God broadened my horizons and enabled me to grasp more fully His triune love and relational nature, as well as His will for humankind to grow in harmony and unity through mutual respect and care. I have also come to deeply recognize humanity’s passivity in matters of faith—without God’s unconditional offer of His abundant love of life, no one, regardless of intellectual ability, could be saved. Studying the passionate dedication of saints in church history and personally observing pastors walking alongside and guiding their flocks rekindled my passion for full-time ministry.

Moving Forward: From Doubt to Submission

　　However, I was like a lamb, lacking courage and foresight. Although I had long admired the pastoral ministry, my several attempts to explore that calling bore no fruit. My heart was full of doubts, and I feared that it was merely my wishful thinking, so I hesitated to give up the stable life I enjoyed. Yet the Lord of compassion did not overlook every struggle in my heart. It was during a church retreat that God made a clear calling to me, completely dispelling my hesitation. With my pastor’s endorsement and my family’s support, I entered seminary in early 2021, embarking on a journey of full-time training to further explore God’s will for me.

　　During my seminary studies, God’s Word, which is sharper than any double-edged sword, cut deep into my heart, inspiring me to reflect on myself and enabling me to affirm my calling with clarity. Since entering seminary, the little things in life have often made me question myself: “What kind of pastor can I be?” Whenever I ponder this question, I would feel confused and discouraged about what I could do for the Lord and how I could fulfill His calling; I was even tempted to give up. But, during these moments of darkness and doubt, the Lord guided and supported me through His staff: by studying various disciplines, I came to understand the Christ-like quality of being with others and the importance of the Holy Spirit’s help for us to imitate Christ, which would shape the disciples’ identity and practices. This helped guide me to grasp my true pastoral vocation and create a theological foundation for my future ministry. In addition, through class activities on Christian coaching and pastoral care, and through the encouragement of pastors and the companionship of fellow believers, He dispelled my self-doubt and anxiety during times of confusion, discouragement, and retreat. He guided me to face and learn to accept my own weaknesses and needs, as well as those of the community, and gradually shaped my path as a pastor.

Looking Ahead: From Response to Commitment

　　Following the Lord’s footsteps in full-time ministry, bi-vocational service, or everyday life has never been easy. Yet, this journey of theological training has convinced me that the hand of God, the Great Shepherd, will continue to guide His sheep along the abundant path He has prepared. In the future, whether in green pastures, beside still waters, or in the valley of the shadow of death, I will remain true to my original aspiration, faithful to my vocation, and grow alongside my brothers and sisters in God’s Word, becoming the ones who He intends us to be, bearing witness to Christ’s glory and grace, and striving toward the eternal light and peace of the Lord.