The Signpost of Faith and Life

Timmy and his family

The Trustworthy Lord

　　Growing up in church and having made a decision to accept Jesus as my Savior when I was in year three of primary school, I rarely had any doubts about the existence of God in my early years. However, when I grew up, I began to question my faith. (For instance, how can there be people who claim to be Christians, and yet their conduct is so insufferable? Why would the Lord allow this to happen? Why could I not see the Lord’s reasoning?) Thankfully, the Lord helped me through all of these questions by faith, so that I understood that the Lord is Truth, and is beyond reasoning. The Lord is also Love, that He even gave His only begotten Son Jesus as a ransom to redeem us. How then could He be untrustworthy?

　　I am merely responding to God’s calling as I now embark on the journey toward full-time ministry, because He enabled me to see the needs of the church from my position.

A Recognition-seeking Life

　　I have always been diligent and dedicated to whatever I did, whether in my studies or work. I thought that my parents’ investment in me should not be in vain, nor should I fail the expectations of the other people around me. Having entered the Department of Civil Engineering of Hong Kong University gave me some pride, since it was as if a mission were accomplished. However, I found myself increasingly confused and lost as I went on. In fact, I have no passion for this industry; I intended to acquire the professional qualification of a civil engineer merely to seek recognition from society.

　　I wanted affirmation from others, and also from myself. I hoped that academic results would gain myself some self-approval, yet I felt dejected because I was not able to meet my own expectations. I thought that serving with as much time as I could afford in church and university choirs were ways to respond to the Lord, but I knew that was also mixed with a motive of seeking recognition. However, the motive of recognition-seeking was self-defeating. In the third year of university, under the yoke of this drive for recognition, I stretched myself thin with both studies and serving at church, and my spirit had come to a point of collapse. This led me to consider how I should go on in life, and in faith.

A Journey of Life-reorientation

　　That summer in the same year, I participated in a short-term missionary trip to the Northern Desert, organized by the Hong Kong Baptist Mission. I hoped the trip would help me reorient my life and search for the direction of my life and faith. There were two evening gatherings where the pastor shared with us how Jesus called Peter on two occasions. I admired Peter for being able to respond sincerely twice to His call; Peter simply followed His commands, and left everything to follow Jesus Christ. I began to reflect on the way I had been responding to the Lord. In fact, I have never truly followed Jesus Christ for I have never laid my life before Him. I had to change. Then I began to have the thought of responding to God by studying at a seminary. Since then, I have been keeping this idea in my prayer.

　　After the missionary trip, I was confronted with my final year studies and coursework. The hustle and bustle of school life put my thought of studying at a seminary on hold. However, half a year later, I happened to meet with a mentor. The topic we originally talked about was my spiritual depression at that time; interestingly, it then turned into my prospect for studying at a seminary. In fact, I did not have any specific vision, but the idea simply came into my mind again. As I reconsidered the matter, I gradually came to realize that the keynote of life should be “responding to God,” rather than “seeking recognition.” And so I was determined to embark on a journey of full-time ministry and discussed my decision with the church minister. He suggested that I should first take a job and pray for a clear sign from God in the meanwhile. Eventually, I accepted his advice and became an engineer for an engineering and consultancy company after my graduation.

The Signs from the Lord

　　For about half a year after my talk with the minister, I prayed for signs from the Lord. However, not a single remarkable or special sign was revealed in my life. Later, I happened to attend a seminar titled “Bonhoeffer under Nazi rule” with Prof. Andres Tang as the speaker. I have long respected Pastor Dietrich Bonhoeffer because he sincerely responded to his faith with practical actions, and I wanted to learn about him more. One of the messages Prof. Tang shared pierced my heart: Bonhoeffer committed himself to theological education because the church needs pastors who are “true disciples of the Lord.” As Prof. Tang observed, there are a lot of nominal Christians in the church who cannot resist the invasion of worldly values, and they need to be shepherded. I felt deeply that we all need to be more serious about our faith; it should not be altered casually in response to the changing circumstances. Instead, our commitment is required. At the time, I thought this was the need that I saw, and it was God’s calling to me. I longed to play a part in meeting this need, and I was sure that I wanted to respond to His call.

　　Not long after, I attended the Full-time Ministry Exploration Camp organized by the Hong Kong Baptist Theological Seminary, through which the Lord answered my prayer and affirmed to me that I did indeed see a genuine need. There was a session where we would meet up with a professor, and I coincidentally met Prof. Tang. We spoke about signs, like the communal signs. I mentioned the message I heard from his previous seminar, and told him that it was the need of the church I also saw. He said to me, “You keep saying that you don’t have a miraculous sign, but do you know that this meet-up is not a choice of either of us? Let’s say that your hearing of my sharing once is a coincidence, but if it’s twice, I don’t quite believe that this is coincidental.” This to me was an overwhelming statement. I was then certain that the Lord Himself affirmed that I did see the need of the church, and He was answering my prayer.

　　Thinking that this conversation would be my biggest takeaway from the camp, little did I know the Lord showed me even greater grace. On the second day, I was arranged to meet with Dr. Jonathan Lo. I talked about how I have been searching for the signs of calling, and my plea to the Lord for permitting me to serve Him. He kindly reminded me and asked, “Why do you think that the Lord would not allow you to serve Him in the first place? Why do you think the feeling of being pierced to the heart came from yourself?” He said that nothing happens by chance in the Lord, and that He has been guiding us all along the way. It was not that I wanted to study theology myself, but the Lord led me to it. This was indeed a timely remark. I have been searching for signs with the wrong assumption (that the Lord did not allow me to serve), but He responded to me positively; it is amazing grace of God! After the camp, I am clear that God has been calling me, and I am willing to lay down myself as an offering to Him.

　　It is utterly out of the Lord’s grace that turned a life driven by recognition-seeking to one that is responding to His calling! Praise the Lord for calling me, for guiding me to recognize the pastoral needs of people, and for being pierced to the heart by this need! I really wish to see and witness the growth of believers. As they grow in faith and in life, I long to become one of their signposts, so that they can walk on the correct narrow path; if so, that will satisfy me. And the one who actually leads them is not the signpost, but the One who sets the signpost.