Let Me Be a Blessing to Others

Carmen and her husband Anderson

God Molds My Life

　　When I was young, I was a happy girl. Since my father raised our family earnestly and my parents worked hard, my two sisters and I had a happy childhood together. I studied in Christian primary and secondary schools, and though I turned to Christ sometime when I was in Form three or four, I did not attend church.

　　During my adolescence, I started dating boys and became a self-centred and rebellious youth; these things all distanced me from my family. I was bullied in school and it caused me to lose self-confidence and to be fearful of making friends. I also gradually recognized that love between men and women does not last; it is indeed short-lived and insecure. I lost faith in having relationships with others.

　　After I graduated from school and started to work, I had neither fellowship, church life, nor any continual search for the understanding of faith. I did not even have family responsibilities, and I could not see any purpose or meaning for my life. I started grumbling at God and concluded that I would no longer pray to God or believe in Him.

　　Then, I met a Christian friend. When he knew that I had been a Christian before and learned about my situation, he invited me back to church. Surprisingly, I enjoyed church life this time; I was baptized after a year, and continued on, serving steadily in the church until now. Thanks to God for molding me through different service opportunities. Thanks to God also for calling me back to Him through that Christian friend, who is now my husband.

　　I eventually came to understand love through the Scriptures. Jesus Christ’s love on the cross for our sins is unconditional; He loves us and let me know how to love others as He loves us. The relationship of brothers and sisters in church invited me to build relationships with others anew, and I learnt that only the love of God within us is eternal. I became closer to my family as well; I ceased being self-centred and tried to take better care of them. Our Lord’s teachings and love changed me a lot. He enables me to open up myself, assures me, uses me and transforms me into his useful vessel.

Passion for God

　　In the summer of 2009, my church organized a mission trip to Sichuan, China. When I saw and heard about the passionate service and genuine sharing from my brothers and sisters, I began to be motivated for missions. Therefore, I joined the Sichuan mission trip of my church right after my baptism the following year. I experienced the power of prayer and of my almighty God during the trip. To my surprise, as a newcomer to the mission field, I shared my testimony for the first time to several hundreds of people smoothly with peace in my heart. I was not confident for myself or my Putonghua, but God spoke to the brothers and sisters there through my sharing; the power of prayer and God’s power were working through me. God transformed my previous life experience into a blessing for others.

　　In early 2011, the pastor of my church preached about Jesus’ final instructions to His disciples before His ascension, “But you will receive power when the Holy Spirit comes on you; and you will be my witnesses in Jerusalem, and in all Judea and Samaria, and to the ends of the earth.” (Acts 1:8) His teaching reminded me that believers should go beyond their own salvation, and obey the Great Commission. When we sang the response hymn “Set off on Your Journey Now,” I was moved to tears. I prayed to God that I would offer myself to Him, and pleaded with God to use me, undeserving and incompetent as I was. I have finally come to know what my life purpose is.

Discerning the Will of the Lord

　　Since then, I have served in church with greater vigor. The more I served, the more I was rewarded. In the process of serving, I experienced joy and power from God, and my life was being shaped. I gradually felt that I should enroll in some theological courses to equip myself for full-time ministry. In April 2011, I joined a mission trip to Cambodia, and God gave me a vision which is to preach the gospel to the unreached people. He told me to seek to discern His will further with the verse, “Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you.” (Mt 7:7)

　　I shared the message I received from God with my pastor when I returned to Hong Kong. She asked me if I have received a sign affirming God’s calling—that would be the single power and foundation that would support me to face different kinds of difficulty in the future—but I could not say. Then, I attended an open day organized by a seminary which let me realize that I needed to discern my calling seriously.

Frustration and Escape

　　After this, I began to seek a sign that would affirm my calling. Moreover, I served as a mentor in the youth group in the meantime. Although my ministerial burden was to accompany youngsters as they grow in faith, this position vividly exposed to me the hardships and challenges of being a pastor. I, therefore, stepped back and said to God, “I am incompetent. I do not know how to speak. I am not learned. I lack self-confidence. I cannot take any responsibility.”

　　I quenched the Spirit and ignored God’s moving of my heart, but I had never forgotten my commitment to God in prayer: to serve Him faithfully. Thanks to God, He granted me numerous opportunities to take part in different roles in the church, whether on the frontlines or assisting. Moreover, God allowed me to serve with my husband, so I now understood that God put us into positions according to our various gifts, so as to serve the church together and effectively. Recalling the period of my escaping God’s call, I must give thanks to God; He not only did not forsake me, but also continued to shape me in the course of my serving, and patiently waited for my response.

The Second Move

　　In March 2016, I began a new job with a higher salary. This job was related to stage performance management, a profession that I liked, and it also offered a potential of promotion toward the most senior position. This job, however, made me reconsider my life purpose again and again. There would often be a voice questioning me: “Is this truly your goal in life?” This question reminded me of my first response to God, and there was a sense of urgency in my heart that urged me to respond to the call to full-time ministry. Thus, I prayed solemnly, studied the Bible, served with humility and asked God to grant me a sign of assurance that He does call me to full-time ministry.

The Sign of His Calling

　　On February15-16, 2017, my husband and I joined the Full-Time Ministry Exploration Camp held by Hong Kong Baptist Theological Seminary; its theme was discerning God’s call. On the second day, Rev. Brian Lam preached on Exodus 4:1-20 at the morning chapel service. He talked about the excuses Moses made when God called him, which coincided with mine. He also mentioned that God turned Moses’ shepherd crook into God’s crook which can be used to bless other people with miracles. This transformation symbolizes that God turned Moses’ career, his past, his experience as well as everything that he found himself undeserving into gifts that could bless the others. God removed my burden and worries in these years through Rev. Lam’s words. God wants me to serve Him with what I have in my present and my past; even if there are experiences that I see as affliction and a shameful past, God would turn them all into gifts and blessings; and He urges me to share these gifts, and bless others with the witness of my life. Therefore, I praised God promptly and responded to His calling in prayer: I confirmed that God calls me, and I would like to serve Him in full-time ministry, so I will equip myself at the seminary.

　　During the Sunday service right after the camp, God affirmed my calling again and reinforced my faith with the hymn “Live out Love.” When the congregation sang the lyrics, “let yourself be a blessing to others,” my eyes were streaming with tears, for I knew that God truly calls me. Therefore, I responded with action last year and commenced school to equip myself with seminary training.

　　May all glory and praise be to our Triune God!